Misguided Ghosts

Chapter Fifty

Fifty – Tay

It took me well over an hour to soothe Jade back to sleep. She gripped my hand tightly until her body relaxed as sleep washed over to her while I recited all the poems that I could remember from the times that Ed had whispered to me because I couldn’t sleep. I slipped my hand out from hers, wrapping the covers around her tightly and smoothed her hair.

Instead of going back downstairs, I sat on the landing outside her room, trying to calm my beating heart. She had seen Caleb and there was no doubt about it. What the hell was he playing at? I felt a suffocation on my chest, as if the net he had so cunningly trapped me in was tightening around me. Bowing my head, I felt my breath fall out of me in a lethargic mess.

“What do I do now?” I mumbled, wishing that Ed was with me, because he’d know exactly what to do.

I rested my head against the wall, trying to think my way through the situation. But there was something wrong. There were two shadows on the wall, and one of them definitely wasn’t mine. Panic gripped me and my eyes flew from side to side, expecting to see him sitting next to me, but he wasn’t.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed, acutely aware of Jade being on the other side of the wall I was resting against. “You can’t be here,”

The air temperature on the landing dropped, causing my trembling breath to form a cloud in front of me. Ice crept its way along the wall behind me, freezing me to it. I was well and truly trapped, my hands stuck to the floor by frozen shackles. He was certainly not impressed, and this was his way of telling me that he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. There was nothing I could do to stop him.  A sharp pain flared on my collarbone and I felt warm blood seep through my clothes.

“Okay,” I whimpered. “Just don’t you dare hurt her,”

The ice on the walls receded, but my hands remained restrained. I had to tell him what he wanted to hear. “I know that you watch me, but please don’t lay a finger on her. She’s not yours to hurt,” The ice around my wrists was slowly but surely melting. “You can hurt me as much as you want, but if you dare mar a seven year old, then you’re sick,”

The temperature returned to its normal level and the ice was completely gone. Only his shadow remained on the wall, his unseen eyes undoubtedly trained on me. Picking myself up from the floor, I poked my head around Jade’s door and saw that she was sleeping soundly, a sigh of relief escaped me.

I went to the airing cupboard, where Adam kept the spare bedding. I found the pillow and the duvet and settled once more on the landing. Fashioning myself a makeshift bed by folding the duvet in half so I could lie on it and still curl up under it, I laid to the side of Jade’s door. I knew I couldn’t go to sleep, that I was meant to be looking after Jade, but my body was screaming at me to sleep. Again, I wished Ed was with me. My eyes flickered up to the wall. His shadow was still there, watching as if on guard.

“Mustn’t fall asleep,” I whispered, pinching myself, hard. “Must not fall asleep,”

I shifted so I was lying on my collarbone, pain flaring through me. I couldn’t sleep if I was in pain. I smiled slightly, part of me relishing the pain, as if I deserved the punishment that he gave me. He wanted me to be as distant from Ed as possible, but what I’d done was definitely not distancing myself. I stayed still for a long time, just feeling the pain pulse through me.

Caleb had told me that he wasn’t the Ed I knew. What did he mean? The worst thing was that I could pinpoint the day that Ed changed, but I didn’t know why he’d changed. It was only a few days after I’d woken up, the day that I went round to his flat. I’d fallen asleep on him, and when I’d woken up something about him had been different. He was cold, unfeeling. It was as if he’d locked every emotion away in a box…Almost like he’d been drained of all feelings. But he’d hurt himself, and he’d punched out Caleb. Surely he’d feel pain? Something in my brain clicked. What if he’d only done it because he had no emotion? And the source of all emotion was –

“Tay?” I hadn’t even heard Adam come up the stairs. I hadn’t even noticed him come in. “What are you doing up here?”

“Jade had a nightmare,” I said, crawling out from my nest. “I promised I’d keep guard in case the monster came back,”

He smiled warmly at me. “You’re a good kid,”

I gave a small shrug. “I do what I can. I know it’s hard for both of you. At least this way, she’s got a big sister,”

“Is anyone coming to pick you up?”

I nodded. “I’ll just ring Ed and he’ll be over soon,”

While I waited for Ed, Adam and I sat in the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my abandoned hot chocolate, the handle coated in a fine layer of ice.

Ed didn’t take too long to drive over to Adam’s and I was grateful to get away from Adam’s house, where I felt the constant chill of the ice that Caleb had conjured clinging to my very being. We drove in silence, and I listened to the sound of his breathing, counting them. My mind whirred with the revelation that I’d reached. And he’d done it for me.

When we got back to the flat, Ed moved to heat up the mac and cheese he’d saved for me, but I shook my head. “I know what you did,”

His brow furrowed. “What?”

I felt my shoulders slump slightly. I’d been hoping he’d catch on straight away. “Do you not know what I’m talking about?”

“Not a clue,” He said, sticking out his bottom lip and shrugging. “Do you want this or not?”

“Ed, forget about the damn mac and cheese,” There was nothing. Not even a flicker of hurt at my brusqueness. “Are you really going to play dumb on this one?” He said nothing. “I know that you gave your soul away. And I know that you did it for me,”

“Tay, please,” His voice was no more than a whisper.

“Why?” My voice cracked slightly. “What was so bad that you did that?”

He stepped forwards, taking my hands in his. “He was going to take you away. I would lose my soul a thousand times over before I lose you,”

I pulled my hands away from his, guilt sweeping through me when his hands flopped by his sides. “Did you mean any of it?  Every time you’ve told me you loved me, sharing a bed with me, last night, did any of it mean anything to you?”

His carefully guarded expression crumbled, his walls crashing down. “Of course it meant something to me. Every moment with you means something,”

“How can you be so sure?” I was nearing hysterical.

“Because I know it means something,” His voice was gentle, certain. “And there is something left,”

I frowned. “What?”

“I lost my soul, but not my spirit. I can still feel love and compassion, and all the good things,” He was smiling now. “But that means the way I feel about you has never changed. I don’t feel any of the bad things,”

“Not even pain?”

“Only in the physical sense. That kind of pain is my brain,”

“And what does you not having a soul entail?”

“Well, you know you said you felt like you were here and yet not here?” I nodded. “It’s because of me. And I’m guessing that whenever we’re apart for long periods of time, you feel a crushing weight on your chest, and like the entire world is against you? That’s because of me. I should feel it too,”

“But you don’t,”

He shook his head sadly. “That’s why it’s so bad for you. I only feel it when it’s getting so unbearable that it becomes a physical pain,”

“The night you collapsed on the drive,” I said softly. “That’s why you got better so quickly,”

He nodded. “I don’t quite understand it myself, but there’s a reason why Emilie was given your body. Think about it. I died before we could be together properly. So there’s only one possible explanation for it all,”

“Go on,” I said, not quite understanding what he was saying.

“We’re soul mates,”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wahey a chapter that I am pleased with!