Misguided Ghosts

Chapter Thirty-Four

Thirty-Four – Ed

I felt Tay tremble against me the moment ‘Emilie’ slipped past my lips. Was it true? Was the girl that I had spent so many months longing for the girl that I now held in my arms? A small sob was muffled by my chest. I tucked her under my chin and saw Liam slip away. I would seriously owe him one.

Tay lifted her head from my chest and stared at me. “I’m sorry,”

I kissed her forehead. “You have nothing to be sorry for,”

“I do!” She shouted, wrenching herself from my embrace and backing away. “I’m not who you think I am! I’m not your girlfriend!”

I closed the distance between us, catching her hands with my own. “Believe me, you are. I don’t care if you’re Emilie or Tay, like you shouldn’t care who I am.”

“And who are you?”

“It depends,”

She arched an eyebrow. “Who are you?”

I smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. “I am… Edward Michael Tanner,” I kissed the look of shock from her face before continuing. “But I am also Edward Matthew Milligan,”

“I don’t want to be Emilie,” She mumbled. “Emilie hurts too much,”

“Then don’t be Emilie,” I whispered. “I will not make you choose who you are. But whoever you choose, I’ll still be here.  As whoever you want me to be.”

She stretched up to kiss me, her lips gently brushing against my own. Her hands rested on my chest, my heartbeat thundering beneath her palm. “I want…. I want you to be the guy standing in front of me and I want to be the girl that should have woken up. I don’t want to be Emilie.”

“Then let go,” I whispered, resting my forehead on hers and nudging my nose against her own. “Just let everything from before go,”

“I’m scared, Ed. What if people forget me?”

“I’m right here. I won’t forget you,”

“Will it hurt?”

“Letting go?” She nodded. “No. It’s easy, really. You’ll feel like you’ve just woken up from a long, deep sleep.”

I was lying, but it was necessary. She needed comfort and I could give that to her. I hadn’t let go of the past. I hadn’t let go of anything, still torn between two bodies, two identities. How could I possibly know what it felt like? All I could do was keep her calm, relaxed. Keep her with me.

But despite my lies, there was still a cause for celebration. She knew. Tay knew what I was, who I was, who I had been. And she hadn’t run away.

Tay was looking up at me, her big brown eyes filled with longing, love and adoration, just as she always had. Her lower lip quivered as I saw a single crystalline tear trembling on the cusp of her eyelashes. I brushed it away with the back of my index finger as she sniffled. I kissed the tip of her nose, as I always had.

“Come on. Let’s get you home before your parents get on your case.”

As we walked through the darkening streets, Tay linked her fingers with mine. I glanced at her, at her red beanie that hid her curls; the golden bronze eyeshadow that enhanced her chocolate eyes; the curves of her lips; the silver ring in her nose. It was only then that I realised that she was staring at me as well.

“When did you get your nose done?”

She shrugged. “About a week ago,”

“Looks good,” I smiled.