Misguided Ghosts

Chapter Fifty-Three

Fifty-Three – Tay

I paced the hospital corridors, chewing on my already-ragged nails. After the Liam/Caleb suicide attempt, I’d been more of a mess than I already was. My focus in school was slipping, along with my grades. Dark circles under my eyes had become a permanent feature as I was now juggling school; homework; swim training; visiting Liam and babysitting Jade every other weekend. Naturally, Ed trying to be concerned for me, but the most he could manage was empathy. But empathy worked, at least it did in that particular moment.

“Tay?” A nurse poked her head out of Liam’s room. “You can come in and see him now,”

I walked into his room, steeling myself for what I was going to see. I hated seeing Liam in a hospital. Back when I’d been Emilie, we were only ever in the hospital for silly things, like the broken arm he’d got when he fell out of a tree. Ed Tanner had promptly broken his own arm slipping from the same tree after laughing at Liam for it. But now, I was a different girl and one of my oldest friends was in the psychiatric ward for an attempted suicide that had nothing to do with him. He’d tried telling the truth, but the nurses thought he was schizophrenic, so he gave up. His green eyes had sunk into his skull, his skin becoming drawn and taught over his face, giving him a gaunt look.  

“Hey,” I said gently, sitting next to his bed. “How you feeling?”

“Well, I’m doped up on meds I don’t need, I’m being forced to see a therapist and I’m wearing a dress,” He said snidely. “Other than that, I’m just great,”

“Liam, there’s no need to be harsh,” I said in a small voice.

He rubbed his right eye. “I’m sorry. What with Dad and Lisa and Maya and Hayley and a freakin’ therapist babbling at me about how I’m going to get better, I’m sick of people asking how I’m feeling,”

“I can understand that. When I started having therapy, people treated me like I was going to break at any minute. Y’know, one wrong word and they thought I’d off myself,”

“You had therapy?”

I nodded slowly. “It was more counselling than therapy, but I know where you’re coming from,”

“Why did you have to speak to a shrink?”

I sighed heavily. “Self-harm, with a truckload of anorexic tendencies on the side,”

“Damn,” Liam said in a low voice. “How was it?”

I shrugged. “It was hard at first, but I just had to stick it out, because the people who wanted me to get better made me want to get better. I guess you just have to put things into perspective,”

“Easy for you to say and do,” Liam grumbled, sinking into his mattress. “I didn’t do this!”

“I know you didn’t,” I said softly, doing my best to calm him down. “But if you just stay the course, and think about how you’re stronger than Caleb will ever be. He’s doing this to break you, make you question yourself, everything he can to stop you from becoming an asset in our favour. You can’t be forced onto a side in this life. You have to choose. He’s doing everything he can to ensure that you’re mentally incapable of choosing,”

“Okay,” Liam’s voice cracked. “Tay, when I get out of here, can we go somewhere?”

I smiled. “Go where?”

“Anywhere, just for a day,”

“You stick it out here, and you’ve got yourself a deal,”

I stayed with Liam for as long as I could, doing my best to make him feel more like a human than the shell that he looked and obviously felt like. He wasn’t having any of it. Even when we were little, he’d always been able to sink into black moods that were impossible to dig him out of. Clearly, he hadn’t grown out of that habit. So I told him about all the little things that would seem boring to anyone else but him. Liam had always had an eye for the tiny details, which was probably why he was such a good artist. He had a fine eye for detail, which was something I was still developing. When he grew bored of hearing about the little things, I showed him the sketches that I’d somehow found time to do. Then I brought out the things that I’d managed to sneak out of his house when I’d gone to visit his Dad at Liam’s request.