Misguided Ghosts

Chapter Fifty-One

Fifty-One – Ed

I watched carefully as emotions flickered across Tay’s face. Her brow furrowed in confusion; then her eyebrows rose as she began to realise what I’d said, followed by her lips parting to form a soft, “Oh,”

“I know,” I said in a low voice. “Please, please don’t think any less of me for what I did. I’m begging you here, Tay,”

She squeezed her eyes shut, emotion draining from her face. When she opened her eyes again, I saw them sparkling. Light danced in her irises before it spilled down her cheeks. She laughed, smiling through the moisture that streaked her face. “You love me?”

“I love you,” I laughed, closing the space between us and pressing her against me. “I always have, and I always will,”

She raised her head, her eyes locking with mine. “And once I’ve finished school, are we really going to get out of here and go somewhere new?”

“Yes,” I said, kissing the tip of her nose.

“Any chance I can have that mac and cheese now?” Laughter danced over her lips.

“For you,” I smiled. “Anything,”

I heated up what I’d left for her and she accepted it gratefully. As we sat on the sofa with the TV on, I watched her out of the corner of my eye. And I saw that she was watching me too. A smile tugged at my mouth, a smile that was reserved for her, one that wasn’t forced like a lot of my smiles were. This one had true emotion behind it, because it was her smile.

Tay rested her head on the top of my shoulder and I slid my arm around her. She sighed, making her hair flutter around her face. My mind took a photo of that moment: the warmth of her next to me; the just-audible sounds of her breathing; the rise and fall of her ribs underneath my hand; the weight of her head against my shoulder; neither of us saying anything. Something about that moment felt more intimate than sex. Neither of us needed to say anything or do anything, because simply being together was enough. Every movement had meaning: the brush of my fingertips over the exposed skin where her t-shirt had ridden up; my fingers wrapping around the ends of her hair; her fingers playing with the hem of my shirt as her arm wrapped around me; the arm that was wedged between my side and her side slipping under my shirt as her fingertips drew patterns on my skin. I watched as her eyes flickered closed and I kissed the top of her head, earning a sleepy smile.

I carried her to bed once I was certain she was asleep, slipping off her jeans and putting them on the small pile of her clothes that was getting bigger with every passing day. She looked so peaceful lying there, the covers wrapped around her and her right hand hugging her pillow. I almost didn’t want to disturb her by climbing in next to her.  Showering as quickly as I could so that I didn’t disturb her, I climbed into bed next to her while my hair was still dripping wet, slipping into sleep before I could allow my thoughts to run rampant in my head.

My eyes flew open.  My breathing slowed and my heart stopped pounding. I sat up, pushing the duvet away from me. A glance at the clock told me it was 3.47. Next to me, Tay slept on soundly in exactly the same position she was in when I’d carried her to bed. Part of me didn’t like how still she was when she was asleep and if it wasn’t for the shallow rise and fall of her chest, I would have thought she was dead. But even appearances could be deceiving. I swept her hair away from her neck and took her pulse as best I could without waking her. The steady thumping twitch of her heartbeat under my fingers was like a mantra to me: alive. Alive. Alive. Alive.

“Ed?” She mumbled, forcing her eyes to open. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I said soothingly. “Go back to sleep,”