Misguided Ghosts

Chapter Ten

Ten – Tay

There was something wrong with Ed. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he wasn’t himself. It was almost like he wasn’t all there, like half of him was still asleep or something.

“Ed?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

For one moment, Ed’s carefully guarded expression crumbled. His eyes widened and the colour drained from his face. Then he regained composure in under a second, his mouth settling into a carefree smile and he squeezed my hand gently. “I’m fine,”

“You can tell me, you know,” I said, the words tumbling from my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it.

He stopped, holding both of my hands and looking deeply into my eyes. “Tay. I’m fine.”

I wasn’t convinced, but I wasn’t willing to press the matter any further. He was worrying me – pretending that there was nothing wrong purely because my health was apparently more important. As much as I loved him, I hated how one car crash had messed everything up. Ed felt he had to look after me and pamper me just because I’d only just come out of the hospital. If I was ever going to recover properly, then I needed some kind of independence and Ed needed to trust me. I loathed feeling like such an invalid.

Ed drove us back to my house, which was empty, as it always was. I sighed. I felt so trapped inside that house, as if it was stifling who I was. I needed space to think.

I trailed reluctantly after Ed, back to the house.

We shuffled into the living room. I sat on the sofa, hugging my knees to my chest and resting my chin on my knees. I sighed, feeling my shoulders sink and the heat of my breath through my jeans. I felt tired. Tired of Ed constantly being there; tired of coming back to this empty, oppressive house; tired of constantly being reminded that I’d come out of a coma, but most of all, I was tired of being tired. I’d been asleep for two months – did I really need any more sleep?

I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head, trying to focus on something other than my thoughts.  “Can I go outside?”

“Okay…” Ed frowned, irresolute of what I wanted to do.

I unlocked the back door and went out into the garden, taking everything in. Before I’d become Tay, my back garden was a riot of colours in the summer, every plant well cared for and blooming beautifully. But this garden was messy and unkempt, as though it had just been abandoned.

I walked across the grass until I was slap-bang in the middle of the garden. Looking back at the house, I spied Ed dithering in the doorway, clearly unsure of whether to follow me or give me some time to myself.  I sat down on the grass, brushing my fingers against the blades. Then I lay down, staring at the clouds above me. The sun shone and there was still some warmth left in it, which in October was quite nice, especially seeing as I wasn’t wearing a jumper.  The grass tickled my naked arms and poked through my hair, brushing against the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. With my eyes closed, I could have been Emilie or Tay, in either Emilie or Tay’s back garden. I could have been anyone, anywhere. 

Next to me, the grass flattened. Ed was lying down next to me. His hand brushed against mine and took hold of it gently. His hand grounded me, kept me steady, and reminded me of who I was.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. Our eyes met. Ice blue met dark brown. He leaned over and kissed the tip of my nose. I smiled and bowed my head, letting him pull me close to him. I rested my head on the crook of his shoulder and closed my eyes once more.