Intricate: The Beginning of Us| MARKNOMINHYUCK(bxbxbxb)

33: Not sure of absolutely anything

Donghyuck

I'm not sure how long we've been here. I'm not sure what time it is, I'm not sure if mom has texted me, or if the housekeeper is waiting for me to go home for dinner. I'm not sure if I want to go home and if I want to sleep in that lonely house today. Somehow, spending just a couple of hours next to Jaemin, in total silence, has made me feel less alone than ever. I don't want this feeling to go away, that seems to be the only thing I'm sure of.

I turn my head to look at his side profile which was being covered by the orange hues the sun created as it set. 

Is it weird to admit that he's beautiful? I don't think so. I think it's just a fact.

"We should probably go," he finally speaks in a low, breathy voice after hours of just sitting around and playing with grass as we stayed in our own separate bubbles filled with thoughts. "My mom is probably freaking out right now." He chuckles, stands up, and shakes the grass out of his clothes. 

When he looks down at me with a soft smile, I return it and finally snap out of my thoughts with a sigh. I get on my feet and run my hands through the back of my pants. I put my backpack on and nod at him as a sign that I'm ready to leave.

I laugh as I look at his face, though.

"What wrong?" He asks, his eyebrows knit together. I only think he looks cuter with that expression and with the green tinting his face.

"You have grass on your face," I answer between laughs. "How did you even get it on your face?" I double over in hysteria, finding it funnier than it probably actually is. Maybe I was just being childish, I didn't mind at the moment.

Jaemin scoffs but chuckles too. "Come on, just help me remove it," he tells me with a gentle smile. 

A grin remains on my face as I calm down. I stand up straight and give him a curt nod, walking over to him. When I'm only a step away from him, I stop and extend my arm to him. For whatever reason, the closer my hand got to his face, the more intimate this moment seemed but I didn't dwell on my thoughts for too long as I knew better than to overthink things like these. "I, um," I felt the need to say something and break the weird tension that had been settled in a couple of seconds but as I gently run my hands through his cheeks, I lose all of my words. 

It's completely dark now and I don't know if it is just me imagining stuff but his eyes seemed to sparkle under the hundreds of stars and the moon perfectly lightens his face. Under this light, he was even more beautiful than earlier, something I didn't know was possible. His eyes open and close gently in a rhythm as we make eye contact and in this proximity, I can see every one of his lashes. Butterflies run through the pit of my stomach and unconsciously, I bring my face closer to him. It seems right at the moment, it feels like everything was set up to be sealed with our lips on top of each other.

I take another step. I bring my other hand to cup his other cheek and slowly, I bring my face closer to his. Chastely, our lips land on top of each other. 

It was hesitant at first and our lips barely touch. I didn't know what I was doing but somehow, it just felt right. It felt nice to have him in my arms, thoughts of everything else disappeared and I focused solely on him. I felt something in the pit of my stomach though I wasn't so sure that it was guilt. The guilt of kissing someone who wasn't the person I have a crush on. The guilt of kissing someone who's taken.

It ends too soon. He pushed me away or maybe I did once I realized I was kissing my friend's boyfriend, I wasn't sure but when I got a look at his face, it was pale and his mouth was opening and closing in shock. His eyes were glistening and regret covered his eyes. 

"I," his voice cracks, "I'm sorry," he whispers before turning around and running away. 

The sound of his running footsteps was what seemed to take me out of my daze. My eyes refocus and I watch his retreating figure. I wanted to run right after him and make sure he got home safely, so that's what I did.

With quickened steps, I follow after him, paying close attention, making sure to not lose him from my vision. I stop until he steps inside of a bus. I have a quick mind argument on whether I should board it as well but I quickly decide against it. Instead, I halt a few feet away from the bus stop and put my hands into my pockets. My heart breaks and my eyes tear up when I see Jaemin through the bus's window. His eyes and cheeks were a red hue and his cheeks were stained in tears. He closes his eyes tightly and presses his forehead on the seat in front before banging his head slowly. That's all I see before the bus drives off.

-----

Why did I do that? Why? Why? Why?

That's the only thing that travels through my head as I take slow steps home. Why did I do it? Why did I kiss Na Jaemin? It seemed so right to do it just a couple of minutes ago but something had changed. It was probably due to the fact that he ran away, that now I was conscious of what I had just done, and that now I wasn't sure what I was doing.

It was an impulse back then. Now, it's just thoughts. 

What had I done?

By now, I wasn't sure about anything.

Not even whether it was a mistake or not.

Or whether I regretted it or not.

Or if I wanna do it again or not.

Or... what I feel.

My heart did thousands of turns at the memory of his lips on mine and bile climbed up to my throat as I recalled that I had just kissed Mark's boyfriend. I want to beat myself up because of that but I couldn't find it in me to regret kissing him. It had felt so good.

That last thought scared me.

I don't like him. Not the way I like Mark.

I shake my head. I like Mark, not Jaemin.

A/N: Welp... that happened 😳

Tbh one of my fave chapters 🤧