36: Right yet wrong

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Jaemin

I'm not really concious on how I ended up here. Sitting on a park bench, taking the same position as I did in my bedroom, and putting my arms around myself, rubbing my arms to keep warm.

I remember laying on my bed, staring at my boring ceiling, noting that my brother was still not back from his dinner even at twelve AM. I remember grabbing my phone and dialing a number. A certain, familiar number that I have been itching to call for two days now.

"I need to see you," I had said. The other line remained quiet. My eyes became full of tears and so I closed them, swallowing them all down. "I'm sorry..." I whisper.

"Meet me at the park near your neighborhood," he finally responded which led me to let out a breath I was unaware I was holding in a second before.

He hung up before I could respond and I instantly rushed out of bed, pulled a hoodie on, then ran out.

I pull my hood up before looking around the empty streets. It's quiet and empty and extremely creepy which made shivers run through me as a result. My whole face and my hands were cold only making me realize that it was now the last days before December. The thought made me relax slightly. The thought of midterms made me tense but winter break made up for it. Frankly, I can't wait to get away from school and hopefully my thoughts.

"Jaemin," I hear from behind, simultaneously making me snap out of my thoughts.

I gasp lightly in surprise as I turn my head to look at the boy I had called. Just making eye contact with the Canadian led my heart to raise and feelings overwhelm me. "Hyung," I say, a bit out of breath despite not having a reason for it. He doesn't make eye contact with me, I notice and that only made my heart chatter.

"Lets... take... a walk?" He says hesitantly.

Immediately, I rise from the bench and follow after him since he has already began to walk to the sidewalk.

"Please. Talk," Mark states desperately, his gaze cast down.

"I'm sorry," comes out of my mouth automatically.

He sighs in frustration and stops moving. "I don't want to hear you say those words again, Jaemin. I hate when you say sorry because it gives the impression that you did something wrong and while I do feel like shit that you left like that Wednesday you're not supposed to feel sorry for it. You did what you had to do and you shouldn't feel sorry for it. Yes, I was upset, I was mad at myself because I felt like I was pressuring you. I should be the sorry one, Jaemin." By the time he was done, he was looking at me with wide, desperate eyes as he breaths heavily.

I don't think I've ever heard him curse, was the one thing I could think about.

I gulp, remain our eye contact for a couple more seconds before looking down at my shuffling feet. "I don't know what else I should say."

"If you called me it's because you had something to say. Just," he sighs, "Please say it."

"I kissed Donghyuck." I suck in a breath after the words got out.

The air immediately seems to shift to a much tenser feel and no one said a word.

The confession was out in the open now and when it escaped my mouth, it felt like a weigh was off my shoulders before it returned. There was still doubt, I still needed to know his reaction to this. I was too scared to look up and see his physical reaction but I regretted it as soon as I glanced up.

His face was blank. Like the time that I first told him the truth. There was no way of knowing what he was thinking and I hated it. If I had to say one thing that I dislike about Mark Lee it has to be this.

He runs his hand through his hair and while on any normal day I would have found that undeniably attractive, I didn't have the mind to do it at the moment. "I don't really appreciate you kissing someone you aren't in a relationship with, first of all," he says. "I'm guessing he's one of them? One of the boys you like?" He sounded a bit disappointed but also understanding but the tone still made my heart drop to my stomach.

"He- he is. I- I swear, I didn't mean this to happen. He followed me when I... ran out... and then we ditched school and we went to some park and then he suddenly leaned in and I leaned in too and then we were suddenly kissing and it was too late by the time I snapped out of it," I rambled, my voice cracking slightly at the end. "I know how wrong I was, Hyung, but-"

"No," he cut in. "You would have been wrong to not let me know about it and I understand why you didn't tell me two days ago, when it happened, but we were having a not so smooth patch so I get it. Thank you for telling me, this is how relationships work."

"But Hyung, it's technically cheating," I tell him with wide eyes, my voice weak.

For the first time since we met up, he steps closer to me. Hesitantly, he brings his hand up to cup one of my cheeks. "Your face is so cold..." he whispers, looking down at my lips before looking at my eyes. "I agreed to give this is a chance and while I agree that it's better for you to not be kissing others even if you like them, I'm willing to let this go and try to talk to Donghyuck in a different way. Not friendship." He smiles warmly. "Frankly, I'm glad that it's Donghyuck. I think I have a good chance of falling for him and I'm sure I can charm my way into his heart," he says cheekily.

"You can back out now," I whisper, looking deep into his eyes. "We can go our separate ways, you don't have to do this just because of me. I'm not worth it..."

"You have no idea how much you are though," he tells me in a quiet voice, his eyes showing so much sincerity that I found myself giving me. Tears slid down my cheeks which my instantly wiped with his thumbs. "I like you so damn much," he whispers, drawing my face closer to his until our lips land on top of each other.

Much like with the kiss I shared a couple of days before, my stomach was quick to get filled with butterflies and my heart went at an incredible place. My hands became clammy in excitement and my knees became shaky.

With unsureness, I move my hands to grip the sides of Mark's hoodie as our lips continue to move in synch. There was immense emotion and certain certainty to the kiss, it felt right yet wrong just like the kiss with Donghyuck.

We separate slowly and smile at each other.

A/N:  I'll share with you guys that this could have been a cruel chapter where Jaemin asks for a break but I decided not to do that so you're welcome 🙄😂😂😂.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! ❤️❤️

IM IN SCHOOL HELP ME END MY MISERY 😭😭😭😭

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