Intricate: The Beginning of Us| MARKNOMINHYUCK(bxbxbxb)

17: I can't stop thinking of you when I'm sinking alone

Donghyuck

I was laying in bed after school, dirty and sweaty, my hair tousled everywhere and I didn't have the decency or energy to even change out of my uniform when I arrived. Mrs. Kang will probably scold me later when she finds out but that wasn't what was currently occupying a large part of my mind.

I was thinking about Jaemin and Mark and somehow, Jeno too. Jaemin and Mark had gone on a date, Jeno had told me without knowing how it would affect me.

Mark hasn't told me anything, that's the thing, and it has me on my nerves. It's not like we're best friends or something but we're close, we eat lunch together and sometimes study at the cafe while I work, we talk casually on a daily basis and have various of text conversations as well. I want my mind to stop revolving around those two but it just keeps going back. At one point, I even asked myself 'what was I upset over, again?'

Today at lunch everything seemed perfectly fine, normal even, except the fact that Mark had seemed more pumped up than usual. I didn't question it, of course, even if that was the only thing on my mind as we talked. I avoided Jaemin today too, it just didn't feel right to be all friendly and energetic and nice when inside I was feeling gloomy and simply shitty.

I sighed and sat up on my bed. Love is definitely not easy, I decided as I got out of my bed after a lot of hesitance. I walked out of my bedroom and slowly walked down the stairs. Everything was quiet. As usual.

I'll admit that sometimes it would be nice to just have my parents walking around the house, even having them just laying down on the sofa and watching something on the TV would be nice... they're busy, I remind myself. At times like this is when I wish I wasn't an only child. That I had someone to support me and comfort me when my parents weren't around but oh well.

I take a deep sigh and jump the last three sets of stairs down. Sometimes it was fun alone, sometimes it was lonely, and sometimes... it just was.

I start to spin around there, in front of the stairs, something I did when I was extremely bored or sad and gloomy... like today. Sometimes when I was feeling lonely and maybe when I was extremely energetic. I don't know, spinning around made the world spin around and I was too busy on concentrating to regain balance to notice how quiet the house was.

I stop my movement, trying my best to stay still as I could feel myself spinning. Then, once I deemed myself un-dizzy, I blew a raspberry, turned around, and walked to the kitchen.

"Hello?" I call out, sing-songy, hoping to have someone answer but to my dismay, it seems that Mrs. Kang was off today and the other maids must've been out completing chores as well.

I let out a huff and walk to the sink. I need something to do to prevent my thoughts from wandering to undesired places. There were dirty dishes. So, I turned on the faucet and began to wash them all.

Even without the need of it, I knew how to wash dishes and do most housework, I've had chores before because of responsibilities and all that as my mom would say. Once in a while, I would clean my room, wash dishes, do laundry, and even sweep part of the house. It's just how I was raised. I'd like to say that I wasn't spoiled--unlike some others, ehem Lee Jeno--yes, I got things that I wanted but I also knew how to work for those things.

The rest of the day consisted of me having a tour to my house, even picking up a broom for a while and beginning to sweep until I thought 'this is not for me' and I decided to drop it. Halfway through the tour, I had even forgotten why I was doing it. But then I got to the home cinema and I began to watch a random Netflix movie. Which happened to be romance. And happened to remind me of some certain people.

I groaned, tilting my head back on the comfortable chair before turning it off and roughly getting on my feet, deciding to head to my room and call it a day. It was only Monday, I reminded myself and that only made my frustrations heightened.

I took my pajama from my closet and some underwear from one of my drawers, deciding to take a long-needed, warm shower today. Showers helped me think. Call me crazy or a weirdo but somehow, to me, showers were soothing. Letting lukewarm water run through me and somehow everything seemed so much easier, relaxing.

Thanks to having a bathroom for myself, I could take as long as I wanted which helped even more. No stressing about needing to hurry up because it was someone else's turn or something similar. In these cases, I liked being a lonely child.

Somehow, that drove me back to Jeno or rather his brother. It was true when Jeno said that there was a time I was infatuated with him but come on, hear me out, who would be able to resist Lee Taeyong? Certainly, no sane person.

But then I realized that I only loved Taeyong as an older brother which just made me miss him right now. He used to give me advice and encourage me and support me. He was an older brother to me. He was even the one that told me it was okay to like guys and thanks to his encouragement I was able to come out as bisexual.

I sighed and leaned on one of the showers walls, closing my eyes as water ran through me.

I felt as if I was sinking in my thoughts and wouldn't be able to come back up any time soon. I needed to figure shit out.

Like,

Was I really jealous about Jaemin and Mark being together?

It felt deeper than that. I kept trying to dig and dig all the way to the back of my brain but to no avail.

There was something I needed to figure out.

A/N: I was kinda busy yesterday so I apologize for being a day late! Forgive me!!