Life's Better When You Gotta Bassist In It // L.A. Guns •Kelly Nickels•

I Refuse to Get Hurt Again

I was sleeping peacefully when I heard people talking. I slowly opened my eyes, I was still a little tired. As I was coming too, I felt a strong arm around wrapped around my waist.

"Shut up Tracii, they're waking up." I heard someone whisper. I opened my eyes and came face to face with Kelly. My eyes went wide and I tried wiggle free but his arm wouldn't budge.

Shortly after that he opened his eyes, they went wide. He took his arm off me and I fell off the couch and onto the floor. "Ouch." I said, hitting my head on the coffee table.

"Fuck." Kelly said, immediately helping me up. We stood there looking at each other. Nothing happened. I was sober, he was drunk. All we did was eat ice cream and watch tv.

Kelly and I stared at each other and then we turned our attention to the other four. "Uh-I how'd you guys get in?" I asked, trying to make the conversation less awkward.  I couldn't help but steal a glance at Phil, our eyes meeting briefly but then he looked at Kelly then our eyes met again. He was looking at me. He looked sad. God why did this fuck with the both of so much?

"You left your door unlocked." Steve said smiling as he looked between Kelly and I. "Alright okay." I responded. "We just wanted to know if you guys wanted to hang out or something." Tracii said.

I looked at Kelly and then back to them. "Yeah, okay, but I have to get changed." I said walking to my room. When I entered my room. I sat down on the bed for a minute, trying not to cry and trying not think of my headache I got thanks to the coffee table. Why the fuck am I feeling this way. I didn't love Phil, I liked the Idea of what we had, especially what I had with him.

I got dressed and went back out to the guys. Kelly was now in different clothes as well. "So , where are we going?" I asked as I lit a cigarette.

"We can go fuck around on the strip." Tracii said. I nodded. "I'm okay with that." We then left and went to the strip.

First thing we did was stop in a bar to have a few drinks. My drink of choice being water. I was sitting next to Steve, Mick next to him, Tracii next to Mick, then Kelly and then Phil. Meaning Phil was sitting across from me.

I glanced at him and I caught his eyes. Why was this so difficult. To defuse the situation I told the guys I was going to the bathroom. I was a little ways away from the table when I heard Phil tell them he's going to the bar.

The line for the bathroom was non existent. We were the only people here besides the bar tender. I entered the bathroom and walked to the sink. As I stood there and stared at myself in the mirror, I heard the door open and I turned around.

"Phil." I said surprised. "Hey, I-uh, I wanted to know if we could talk." He said. "Phil, Phil Lewis of L.A. Guns wants to talk to me, about feelings. Why?" I asked, not ready for this conversation.

"I'm fucking sorry." He said. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him. I missed this I did but I didn't know what to say. "Sorry about what." I said. "Sorry for yesterday, I shouldn't have done that when we were still a thing, but I'm asking for forgiveness." He said.

"Forgiveness? You kissed someone, probably did worse, when you were still with me after you told me you wouldn't do that." I said, starting to lightly yell.

"I know and I fucking hate myself for it I do, but please. I miss you." He said, pulling at the bottom of my leather jacket. "You miss me?" I said slightly yelling. "You say you miss me but all we fucking were was what? Fuck buddies? And we didn't even do that, all we'd do was take a long ass ride on your god damn motorcycle and kiss. And the reason for it was probably because they're was always someone else besides me. And don't tell me I'm fucking lying Phil, I know I'm not. I know you!" I yelled.

I didn't know I felt this way till now. "Please give me a second chance." He said, using the same tone I used. I shook my head. "No, because if I do give you another chance, there's always just gunna be someone else in between the fucking sheets with you when I'm not around. Face it, we're through, have fun with your new girlfriend or whatever the fuck it is, you just lost your old one." I yelled even though I wasn't even his girlfriend in the first place, turning to the door to leave.

I didn't make it out of the door because he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. He kissed me, it wasn't like the last kiss we had, it was deeper. I pushed him away with tears in my eyes and looked at him. "I-I can't I'm sorry." I whispered, turning to leave again.

"Wait." Phil said, catching my attention. I turned back around and looked at him. "I-I love you." He said. I shook my head. "I refuse to get hurt again Phil." I whispered. I couldn't yell anymore, this had all gotten to out of hand too fast. "But, I do hope you find what your looking for, even if it's not with me." I told him through a sad smile.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked at the table we were sat at. Tracii, Mick, and Steve stared at each other and the bathroom door with their mouths wide open. Kelly was sitting there, he looked sad and pissed off. Guess everyone knew everything now.

I walked past the table as they looked at me and I walked out the door. I walked to the ally of the bar and put my back against the wall, my hands on my knees. I didn't cry, I just had to process everything.

When I was done processing everything, I walked back inside, sitting down at our table, that Phil was also sat at. "How bout we do something fun." I smiled, pretending that everything that just happened didn't happen.

Not paying attention to Phil at all.