Life's Better When You Gotta Bassist In It // L.A. Guns •Kelly Nickels•

Bullet Holes Fucking Heal

Eventually we ended up at a bar. We all sat at a table. I was sat next to Kelly on the end. "What can I get y'all?" The waitress asked us. "The lady will have a water and the rest of us beers." Phil said.

She nodded and walked off. "Thanks Phil." I said. I was very adamant about never drinking a drop of alcohol in my life, but now that my mom is magically sober and that my dad is dead, I've been thinking about it.

The guys were a few beers deep. "Kelly, whose that one song you wrote about, y'know that fucking one called 'I Wanna Be Your Man'?" Tracii asked out of curiosity. Kelly shrugged. I knew it wasn't about me.

The guys and I were laughing about something stupid Tracii did and we were laughing our asses off, me smacking Kelly's arm because it was just that fucking funny.

The waitress came back with a shot in her hand and placed it in front of me. "I didn't order this." I said. She nodded. "I know honey, but that Handsome man over there ordered it for you." She said, pointing across the bar where a blonde haired dude sat.

"I appreciate it, but please tell him, I don't drink." I said. She nodded and walked off. I looked at Kelly then I looked at the shot. Kelly smiled and then looked at the shot, he took it and downed it.

"Thanks Kell." I said. He nodded. The guys were wasted, which meant I was the designated driver. I drove to the apartment and they all just stayed there. Phil was on one side of the couch passed out, Kelly on the other. Steve was on the floor along with Mick.

Tracii was sitting at the counter, asleep. I sighed and went to my room. I shut my door and rubbed my eyes. I got changed and crawled in to bed. I then shut my eyes and tried my hardest to fall asleep, but I couldn't. I looked at my alarm clock.

2 A.M.

I got up and grabbed my cigarettes. I quietly opened my door and saw everyone was still passed out. I walked out of the apartment door and sat on the steps outside, the cold night  air calming my nerves.

I lit a cigarette and put it in my mouth. I was tired and confused. Realistically I hadn't gotten enough sleep in awhile, with my dad dying, me working obnoxious fucking hours, and  the shit going on with Kelly.

He confused me. I don't know if he actually likes me, or if he's just doing it to fuck with me. I took the cigarette out of my mouth and flicked away some of the ashes and put it back in my mouth.

I heard the apartment door open and saw Kelly. "Couldn't sleep?" I asked him. He looked at me and sat down next to me on the step. "Fuck no. What about you?" He asked. I shook my head and handed him the cigarette.

"I don't fucking understand." I told him. "Understand what?" He asked. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "Why the world is the way the world fucking is." I said. He shrugged. "I was born in 1965, right, my parents had me when they were young and as soon I entered this fucked up place, my mom turns into an alcoholic and my dad turns into a drug addict." I said.

"That's unfortunately fucked." Kelly said. I nodded. "Then there was the fucking shit that went down with Phil, it shouldn't have happened, but we were stupid. Then Brent, Jesus Christ I loved him, but then Faster Pussycat started getting famous and I ended up on the cover of a magazine. 'Brent Muscat and Mystery Lover, or Hookup?'. I couldn't fucking handle it, but I'm over him, I just wish I wasn't." I said.

"I-". Kelly started, but I cut him off. I turned my body towards him so I could give him my attention. "Then there's this fucking shit that you pull, like what the fuck is that about? Do you genuinely like me or are you just fucking kissing me to fuck with me? It's goddamn confusing." I said, lecturing him. I took the cigarette out of his mouth-my cigarette and threw it somewhere in front of us.

Right after I did that, Kelly started kissing me again. We were out there for a long ass time until Kelly pulled away and put his forehead against mine. "I'm fucking sorry Erin, it won't happen again." Kelly said. It feels like I just got shot in the heart, and the bullets still there.

I pushed him away from me. He was fucking with me. To think he actually liked me. I got up and started walking back to the apartment, but I turned around and looked at him. "To think I actually liked you. I did, but then you pull this shit." I said to him slightly yelling.

I had no idea that I'd be telling him this now.

"I'm sorry." Kelly said. I looked at him and rolled my eyes, "Yeah, so am I. You know the difference between a bullet hole and a broken heart, Kelly?" I asked him. He shook his head.

I let out a small sniffle. "Bullet holes fucking heal." I said. I watched as Kelly's eyes softened and I rolled my eyes again. "Fuck you Kelly. Fuck you." I said walking back into the apartment.

The guys were still asleep, so I walked to my room as quietly as possible and shut my door. I grabbed my walkman and my headphones and a few cassettes. Dream Police by Cheap Trick started playing, I needed to get away from what the fuck just happened.

I eventually went to sleep. When I woke up I had no idea what I was going to do. I yawned and took my headphones off, pausing my walkman that I accidentally fell asleep playing. I got up and opened my bedroom door.

The guys were surprisingly awake. They all looked hungover. "Who wants a hangover cure?" I asked them they all raised their hands including Kelly. I rolled my eyes. I got out the blender and made it. I gave each of them a cup except for Kelly. I was pissed, he lead me on.

"Where's mine?" Kelly asked. I smiled a fake smile. "If you want one you can fucking make it yourself." I said dropping my smile at the end and sitting down on the couch next to Phil.

(Kelly's POV)
I did what Phil told me to do. End things with Erin before she got hurt. I ended things with her, whatever the fuck it was, but it looks like she ended up getting hurt anyway, and that's not what I fucking wanted to do.

I had to fix things. I just had no fucking idea on how. I felt bad, I fucking love her and then I fuck it up. I have to fix it. Fuck, I love Erin.

(End of Kelly's POV)

The rest of the day the guys were at the apartment writing songs. It was Wednesday, tomorrow was Thursday, my dads funeral. I need to go see my mom and I needed to get the hell away from Kelly.

I told them I was leaving and I got into my car, driving to my mom's.