mini bronze

16 ~ sister sister

I waited until Leah was here. It was around 00:30 and i heard the doorbell go. I ran downstairs and Lucy and Keira were already at the door welcoming Leah. When i saw her i wrapped my arms around her neck and she let got of her bag and wrapped her arms around my back. I hadn't seen her in two months and i really missed her.

"Guys let's get in the house and shut the front door so no bugs come in." Lucy told us and we walked more into the house.

"I missed you Lee." I told her and she told me that she missed me too and then released me from the hug.

"Lee do you want anything to eat or drink?" Keira asked her.

"Please may i have a glass of water." She said and we all walked into the kitchen and we all talked for a bit and then we ended up bringing it up.

"How are you all coping with last night?" Leah asked everyone and i wanted to walk out of the room, but my therapist keeps telling me that i can't just walk out of the room when i don't want to talk about something, so i stayed.

"Well we haven't had much of a chance to talk about it today because lots of stuff happened, but whenever i think about it, it makes me feel sick to my stomach." Lucy said and it made me feel guilty and i know it shouldn't, but it did.

"I'm sorry mum." I told her and she walked over to me and kissed me on the head.

"It's because i love you so much. It's not your fault. Never think that" She said and every time she tells me that she loves me it makes my heart a little bit warmer.

"Awww i can't with you two. You're actually adorable." Leah commented and it made me embarrassed.

"I don't want to talk about last night." I stated, giving in to what my therapist told me and went to my room and curled up on my bed.

Around five minutes later there was a knock at my door. "Go away." I told them, but of course they ignored me and came in anyway. It was Leah and she curled up on the other side of my bed facing me.

"Scar i drove here because you wanted me to. Because you needed me because of last night. I want you to open up to me. You're safe with me. You're my little sister. You can trust me." Leah told me and i sat up, which caused her to copy me and she sat up facing me.

"When i think about it, it makes me want to curl up in a ball forever. I don't want to think about it and talking about it forces me to think about it." I exclaimed getting slightly irritated. My hands moved to my wrist and i subconsciously started scratching at them.

"Once you've talked about it then you will never have to think about it again, trust me Scarlett." Leah reassured me and pulled my hands apart because i think she noticed me scratching at my wrists.

"Okay. Okay. It was horrible. Isla was horrible to me she forced me to do it. I kept telling her to stop and stop and stop but she kept going. I hated it. I hated it so much. All i could think about was how i've been horrible to every single person who cares about me for this girl and now she's doing the one thing i feared most to me." I started off with only a shake to my voice but as i carried on talking the tears spilled out of my eyes and Leah moved over to me and hugged me and was rocking me forward and back slightly.

"Scar you can let it all out. You're in a safe space. You're safe with me." Leah reassured me again and i let out a loud sob.

"I don't deserve to live Lee. I don't deserve it. The loudness in my head goes away when i'm playing football and when i'm with everyone most of the time, but when i get home its like it's been waiting so impatiently to eat away at my brain and everything in my head is so loud and i want it to just be quiet." I bawled and Leah just listened to me without interrupting me or telling me everything was going to be okay and making promises she knew she couldn't 100% keep.