i dont want to think of you
i dont want to feel this pang in my chest
but hey at least im feeling something
it was you it was always only ever you
and i hate to be that kind of girl
two years on, almost three,
and it's still your face in my dreams,
your scent at the edges of my remembrance,
your moonshine voice and twilight eyes teasing along my senses
i'm lucid, i'm afraid,
way too sober in the wake of you
yet i still crash over and over back into us
a bad trip, but on hindsight, your knees turn to supplication as you crave the euphoria
all this wishing and hoping, dreaming and pining, reverie-lusting after my own demise at the hands of a con artist,
spinning around in an oversized shirt like i could keep you in my centrifugal force and if i spun hard and fast enough time would halt, cease, newton's third law kicking in, and we're spiralling back.
do you ever think of me
or am i lost to the tides of mutiny
am i ever a haunt in your heart
a wisp in your wonderland
a ghost in your graveyard
a flicker in your film
a silhouette stained-glass sun-dazed silencing all your demons i could only ever exorcise
i'm a fool, as i sit here with the sun scrubbing the sky a new dawn behind me, but my optical nerves have been severed and all is dark in my mind,
a fool i am, for wishing you'd come to me on the wind
fall to your knees
fall apart
on this cracked mantelpiece that is my wretched heart
all i'm feeling, all i can breathe in
is this perfumed longing
for your body heat ensconcing me,
the only one i ever let in,
the only arms i ever let hold all the broken pieces of me,
and the only heart for which mine ever beat
no, i'm not thinking of you.
no, i'm not wishing for you.
no, i'm not an atheist praying desperately for you.
no, i'm not falling apart without you.
i
don't
need
you
but
i
want
you
