dont leave me alone
with my treacherous mind
when i cant sleep i dream of a haze
of bodies that have warmed mine
silhouettes sliding past
blurring into a palette of blue-
tinged longing
for just somebody
but not just anybody
because im fucking picky like that, im sorry
i pick them like pebbles off gravestones
skipping them through the pitiless night
just wanting, wanting
im a traffic light on permanent amber
flickering in the miasma of frenzy in my uncalm mind
i heed no caution; no, im too cautious
wary of falling to falling apart to picking at every scab on my heart to bleed and bleed and bleed
im never not sanguine with my
thorns and teeth and all bark but no bite
off more than i can chew
off with my head
down the rabbit hole
into the drains of carnage
wreckage and ruins my sanctuary
debris and brittle my armour
and my armaments - all my follies
most ardently i covet
most adamantly i fear
im stuck in seventeen with no green lights in sight
always tunneling into myself
vanguard against a world turned upside down and prickling with rose barbs
all aimed at my heart,
this thing that i scarce hear still beating within me
somehow
theres nothing to do but tide it through
theres nothing to do but
there nothing to
theres nothing
and all i want is to feel/be/be seen as
something
please fashion my pieces into a new slate,
marmoreal and gleaming and clean i just want to be clean
again
