Under the Microscope (Book One of Three)

Chapter 39

Okay, so you're getting a super early update because I'm having a dilemma...I accidentally wrote the book ending...but I wrote it for around the Monza race. Now the good thing is that I think I could move it, just keep what I've written and change the time to help bring me to the end of the season but I kind of feel like Elodie has achieved most of her first season goals and milestones...so there's not much left and that I would rather refer to the rest of the season in flashbacks in the next book...also when talking about a next book...

Please follow me so you can get updates for it, I'll start uploading it once this one has finished and if I stick to the ending timeline I've written then there are only seven chapters after this one so yeah :) 

Please let me know what you think because if you think it should still go until the end of the season because I can see the pros of this...but part of me wants to start writing about the next phase of Elodie now ... and I'm hoping that a lot of you who are consistently reading (stats say around 200 of you) will want to read the sequel as well so I am interested in what you think... I'm nervous to finish this one....

******

The weekend is filled with criticism for Sergio, he apologises publicly for his comments, but his bad talk is almost matched by his bad driving, when I meet with Sky at the end of the day for my solo interview I try and keep my words more measured than before for the sake of the team, but I struggle once again, especially at the end of the interview with a particular question.

"So, Sergio has apologised today as to his comments from last night, do you forgive him for that?" Natalie asks and I sigh deeply.

"Er, honestly, I don't want to talk too much about it. I don't want to make it worse for the team, because I know they're the ones dealing with the blowback the most. But all I'll say right now is that Sergio might have apologised publicly for his statements, but he hasn't apologised to me personally, not made any attempt to do so...so no I don't accept an apology that's not been made apart from performative reasons. Further, with the sort of allegations he spread the damage remains regardless of whether he takes it back and so I-yeah...no I can't forgive him."

Natalie nods, "so you don't think he meant his apology?"

I shrug sadly, "as I say, I haven't actually received a proper apology. So, no. The thing is, if another driver had taken the seat, he wouldn't have had the nerve to say anything, he only felt able to do so because of my gender. So, to be honest...no. I don't think he means his apology."

"Do you think Sergio is sexist?"

I blow out air from my mouth and puff out my cheeks as I try and figure out how to respond. "I think...right now yes, but being sexist, racist or transphobic or homophobic all comes from a place of ignorance. So just because he is now doesn't mean this is how it will always be, so if he takes time to learn and better himself it doesn't have to be a permanent label. I don't like saying this, but I feel like it would be wrong for women everywhere if I didn't agree that currently that label does describe his attitudes." I say slowly and measured, closing my eyes for a moment, just trying to calm down the panic in my chest.

"You seem tense," Natalie says, and I snap my eyes open and nod. "Why is that?"

"It's just not a good situation to be in. I feel like I can't say the truth and I already feel guilty for labelling Sergio as sexist..." I say quietly and calmly although my heart is hammering in my chest. "But I can't help but feel if I refused to label him as such then it would invalidate my experience and other women who hear the same sorts of things when they work hard and earn a promotion at work and people always want to discredit it...so yeah...I have to." I say shrinking in my seat slightly.