Stand Strong

The Aftermath Is The Worst

Yesterday was the dinner meeting for the decision of starting a mafia. I wasn't surprised when I saw that everyone wanted to start it. I liked it since it would help with protection, money, and trust from other gangs. Hopefully it will become a pillar in this industry.

I was told that I was to begin another sort of training soon with someone I had not met before. It was lessons on more types of martial arts and combat. The boss also told me that I would be put through some more mental training since I need to control myself when I blackout. It seems I still can't get a grip on my feelings which causes me to blackout easier. The feelings of abandonment and hate towards those two people that I thought I could trust.

May hasn't spoken to me since yesterday when he left my room. The boss hasn't asked me about the bodies as he usually would and to be honest, I don't want to talk about it. After I snapped back to reality, Sir escorted the guest we had out of the house while I and two other men took the bodies somewhere else for disposal.

We took them to the dungeons and threw them in the incinerator. I couldn't stand the smell so I left before the guys did since the smell was too much for me. I went to my room after asking how May was and where he was for his safety in which one of the men stated he was in his room sleeping. He informed me that he wasn't harmed or near that area of the mansion when it happened.

Nana was in my bathroom when I got there. She was running me a bath though I knew how to do it now. Still, I was so tired I just decided to grab my sleeping clothes which were some matching mint shirt and shorts. I waited till Nana said the bath was done before hopping in to get started on washing all the blood off my skin.

Nana left when I got in, leaving me to my thoughts about what had just happened. That night I scrubbed my body so hard it was getting irritated and I cried because I hated myself for doing such a thing. I felt so disgusted with myself I took three showers scrubbing myself so much. Every time I scrubbed I was thinking about the way my vision came back to all that blood.

Nana came in finding me still scratching my skin with the rag. Her face I could still remember as she saw all the spots I tried so hard to clean were bleeding now. She took me out of the tub and put me to bed after dressing me. I cried myself to sleep while Nana held my hand telling me it was gonna be okay even though I knew it wasn't.

I woke up this morning with bandages around my arms, legs, and chest. There were some band-aids on my stomach in several places. I didn't really care too much about the pain though it really didn't faze me too much. Today is a rest day for me before I have to go into my training for the Mafia standards of being a personal bodyguard.

I realized I had walked to the kitchen while I was thinking about yesterday. My favorite chef was cooking as usual when I walked in. I ran to him, hugging him as he turned around with a smile that soon faded. "Little Miss, why do you have so many bandages all over you? Any more and you would be a walking mummy, please don't tell me you were injured during the dinner last night." I sighed, shaking my head pushing the thoughts of yesterday away.

"Maddux, it was just another night of showers after I blacked out yesterday." He shook his head lightly before hugging me lightly to not hurt me. He let go before looking at me and whispering, "It must be tough to be in this kind of business so young and still expect to be so strong after something like that. You're a strong girl, you know that right, little miss?" I nodded smiling before he picked up a plate of food he was working on before I walked in and handed it to me. I grabbed it thanking him before going upstairs to eat it by myself in my room.

I walked in to find Sir at my window looking out at the fields in the backyard. I put my plate on my desk and turned to him bowing before standing straight. He turned to look at me and his smile fell once he saw the bandages. I knew I shouldn't have worn shorts and a t-shirt today, I thought to myself. He looked at me in the eyes and I could see the concern in them before he shut any emotions out. His façade only fades once in a blue moon these days.

I pulled the short sleeves down though it wouldn't help much. "You know something like this shouldn't affect you. Don't let the death of an enemy get to you like that. I need you to be a hundred percent focused on protecting and serving this Mafia now." He said as he crossed his arms. I nodded before saying yes sir, firmly bowing as he walked out. I knew it would be hard for me to be able to go back to being myself after starting training soon. I would be a robot from now on serving this Mafia.

Getting my emotions in check was my first priority after protecting the Mafia.