Transformers headcannons/bloopers/oneshots (CLOSED)

Bayverse: Sizes

F/n - Friends name (male)
Y/n -Your name (female)
Bf/n - Best friends name (non-binary)
Also this is inspired ^^
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"I wonder..." F/n said as they sipped their light coffee in the base, "Wonder what?" Y/n asked turning her attention to the shorter person next to you as you tiredly sip your coffee. "Do mechs have dicks like humans? Like how do they reproduce?" Y/n almost spit out her coffee and Bf/n looked wide eyed at the male who asked. "ITS 3:30 AM NOT NOW!" Y/n almost yells as F/n looks at her seriously and Bf/n just deadpans. "And are they measured in inches or feet? Cause the average male is 4 inches for are they like 4 feet?" F/n said again, Y/n groaned. "Ask Ratchet if you want to know, he's fine with being blunt." Bf/n says, still slightly shocked but now sipping their coffee. "But doesn't that seem weird? Like just asking 'how long our you ducks or whatever you call them' ?" F/n states, still serious as ever while Y/n and Bf/n face palm.

"1 there called spikes and 2 yes we measure them in feet." Two voices replied

All three humans froze and turned around to see Hound and Ironhide cleaning weapons and looking unfazed at the conversation. "How long we're you two there?-" Bf/n asked, "Whol' time." Hound replied as he cleaned out one of his cannons.
F/n took the opportunity, "So if it's called a spike how do you reproduce? Do you have robot sex?" He asked, too curious. "Yes we do frag or have 'sex' as you call it." Ironhide said, still not looking up from his weapons.
"May I ask why you want to know?" Optimus said as he walked in and leaned against the wall, "I don't know ask the idiot over there." Y/n said jabbing a fingered at the male. "Because I'm curious, don't blame me!" F/n said, raising his hands up in defense, "But on this topic how big is the average for you all?" F/n continued. "Four to five feet, don't recommend if that's what you thinking." Hound and Ironhide said in unison.
F/n and Bf/n got the most smirk on their face, "How big is Optimus then?" They said, pointing to the mech in question.  Hound shrugged, chuckling while Ironhide face-servoed and Optimus just sighed. "He's 8 fragging feet, biggest out of all of us." Ironhide groaned and Optimus chuckled while Hound gave the other weapons specialist a look. "How the frag did you know that 'hide?-" Ratchet asked coming in, the three humans now looked at him with a curious glimmer in their eyes. Ironhide raised his servos, "Ay don't fight me. It's a secret." Hide said as Hound rolled his optics and it clicked to Ratchet. F/n was all hyped up and about to ask so many questions he'll drive everyone mad.
     "How does a female get pregnant?" He asked, Ratchet's optics closed and Optimus motioned for Hound to explain as Ironhide stood and walked towards the leader.
"Er- Optimus why me?" Hound said, not wanting to explain to humans the sparking process. Just then Lennox came in seeing the three humans and the 4 bots, "What is even happening?-" he asked. "Dick talk!" F/n said happily as Lennox deadpanned.
"Something's we don't need to know about the bots. That is one of them." Lennox groaned as he turned and walked out.
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Motivation go brrrrr
Word count: 597