Escaped the Summer (M)

Prologue

"It's better to lose the dream, than to lose you."

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Nasa puder ako ni Mama ngayon at tuwing linggo naman ay nasa puder ako ni Papa. I've been pressured lately... I feel like I'm in prison, na hindi p'wedeng tumakas.

"Subukan mo na, 'wag ka nang mag-inarte pa." Mama spoked that made my eyes tear up.

She was training me for my training tomorrow... sa taekwondo.

Pumwesto na lang ako at pinunasan ang isang luha na tumulo sa mata ko gamit ang likod ng kamay ko.

The robot pushed me hard just as I was about to kick and strike it, but it abruptly jump off. I took a glance at my mother as my tears fall.

Bumugtong-hininga si Mama at muling binuksan ang robot.

"Tayo, 'wag kang umiyak diyan... ulitin mo!" She exclaimed as I cried harder.

"Mama, ayoko na po, hindi ko na po ito gusto..." I kept shooking my head.

Ang kaniyang panga ay biglang umigting. "Huwag na 'wag mong gagalawin ang piano mo hangga't hindi mo ito natatalo." She scolded me as I cried even harder.

"'Wag mo 'kong iyak-iyakan diyan, Axcielle."

~

This day was very special day and I'm really looking forward for this day. I'm waiting for my dad and mommy to come.

I was looking for my mother and my father after being announced valedictorian. I was approached by Tita Vanes, but I didn't respond because I kept spotting my parents in the crowd.

"Tita... where's papa... mama?" halos paiyak na tanong ko.

Her face was worried. "Your dad has a important meeting... and some patients needs your mom..." she responded.

My eyes became blurred as I felt the tear fall down in my cheeks.

"Mas importante pa sa akin?" I asked innocently as I start sobbing.

"Halika na... babawi naman sila." She laid her hand.

They promised...

~

Sinundo ako ni Kuya cyres at umuwi akong namamaga ang mata. Akala ko dadating sila... ba't ni isa sa kanila hindi sumulpot. Hindi ba ako importante sa kanila?

I watched Dad having a good time with his friends and drinking when Kuya Cyres cautiously opened the door. I assumed he was attending a crucial meeting. This is it?

"Akyat na tayo, Cielle..." malambing na aya ni Kuya cyres sa akin.

I gave him an innocent look. "But I haven't shown Dad my card, medals and certificate... yet," I replied softly, a tone of sadness in my voice.

"Mamaya na... may kausap pa siya, alam mo naman na you can't interrupt older's conversation, right?"

I nodded slowly, disappointment nod. Wala naman kasi akong magagawa... I'm just a kid.

Kuya cyres already left and it's been one hour... nag-iintay akong makahanap ng chamba para maipakita ko ito kay Dad... at matanong na rin kung ba't hindi siya nakapunta. Gusto ko sa kaniya manggaling lahat.

Pagbaba ko ay napagtanto ko na lang na natutulog na siya sa sofa. I swallowed hard. Kinuha ko na lang ang unan at comforter sa kuwarto ko at inilagay ito nang marahan sa kaniyang katawan at ulo.

~

Nagising na lang ako at wala na si papa. I tried calling mom using yaya's phone... but she's not answering.

I didn't even realized... I was crying.

~

I'm in grade 8th... and I'm accepting that they will never attend any of my recognition.

"Ano 'to? Cielle? Bakit may mga mali ka ka? Paano ka magdodoctor nan ha?!" Mom yelled as my tears fell harder.

She was holding my exam result aggressively. "Akala ko ba susunod ka sa yapak ko? E' ano ito?!" She yelled once again.

Nakayuko at pilit na hindi ipakita ang pagtangis ko. She doesn't want seeing me cry, gusto niyang maging matatag ako katulad niya.

"Ma... babawi naman ak-"

"Babawi? This mistakes will be forever stuck on your self reputation. Ta's babawi? Akala ko ba magaling ka ha?"

How can I have the motivation in my study... kung hindi naman sila dumadating tuwing award-an.

"Try being Zia, she don't make any mistakes like you."

That's it... when it comes to comparison. I never win.

~

Habang tahimik akong nagigitara ay biglang pumasok si Dad sa kuwarto ko at biglang binato ang mga papel na kung saan nakalagay ang mga test scores ko.

"Ayan, diyan ka magaling! Sa paggigitara mo!" He scolded me.

I felt the stabbing pain in my heart... halos hindi na ako makahinga dahil sa paninikip ng dibdib ko. Gusto kong umiyak pero natatakot ako. No one wants to see me cry, they see me brave.

But I can't anymore...

"Akala ko ba nag-aaral ka ng mabuti? Eh ano itong tatlong mali mo sa exam?!"

Dad had a very high expectations for me... he wants everything to be perfect. One mistake, and you're out of his life. All my motivation for learning... disappeared, instead I'm studying hard for their expectations.

~

It wasn't easy for me to be the top of my school, because there's full of disappointment and expectations around me. Lunod na lunod na rin ako sa mga naririnig kong salita sa utak ko.

I'm pressuring myself every time I hear a voice in my head. It's like a stuck cd playing in my mind.

"Our top 2, Axcielle Max Salvador" Our teacher clapped, and as my heart break into pieces.

Bakit top 2... lang? I tried my best, pero pangalawa lang?

It echoed in my mind while my eyesight is slowly blurring as I felt my tears rolling down in my cheeks.

Paano ako mapapatawad ni Dad... ni Mom... I lost the position they want.

-

"Axcielle Max Valencia..." I didn't finished my words when the director suddenly talked.

"Kaano-ano mo si Dierez Creis Valenciago at MM Yvala Salvacion?"

{"Don't ever use my name, hangga't sa mapantayan mo ang expectations ko sa'yo."} Dad's word echoed.

"Nothing,"

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