Things I Can't Say Out Loud

worthless...

I feel worthless,
Never good enough...
I feel worthless,
Never smart enough...
I feel worthless,
I never do enough...
I feel stressed,
But you don't see it...
You never do...
You could not care less anyways.
Then I'm the selfish one.
When I shed tears, it's because I'm crazy.
When I sit down,
It's because I'm lazy...
I can never tell you...
You would either get mad at me
Or make the problem be me...
It is always like this...
I feel worthless,
Because you deserve better,
But I can't be better...
I could never, ever be better...
I will never be good enough for you...
It hurts... but I cannot show it.
I do not want you to notice...
You wouldn't anyways.
You wouldn't bother even asking how I feel.
I hate you,
I'm not supposed to.
I do not want to...
But I hate you.
For always being the one who is right,
For always knowing better than me.
For always being better than me.
For deserving better than me...
I hate myself for being worthless.
I hate myself for feeling worthless.
My brain hurts, they are being so loud...
Please , someone...
I am drowning...
Help me...
So I don't feel worthless...
It is scary,
I scare myself,
I do not want to...
But my brain, it thinks about it...
They would be
Better off
Without
Me...

Please...
Help me...

I do not want to die,
But the though of it...
I would be free...
They would be happy,
And relieved...
They would not have to care
For me anymore...
The failure would be gone...
Something off their chest...
I could not care less...
Dead or alive,
I could not care less...
Because...

I
Am
Worthless...