boy meets boy ✪ lashton

18

the gif is cute

- - -

"I love you"

As fast as those three words slipped out of my mouth, Ashton stiffened; I could see and feel how his whole body just tensed up by my words.

I looked at Ashton with big eyes, one because how shocked I was that I had actually let those words come out of my mouth, and two because I was impatiently waiting for his response. I was scared as fuck. Here it comes, the dreaded reject.

By the way Ashton had pulled away in an instant and how he stared at me with big, dead serious hazel eyes, I knew that he wasn't expecting this and neither was he willing to say it back.

"Wha-" Ashton started, speaking quietly, but I could still hear him clearly over the celebration nearby. All I could focus on right now was Ashton and the words he was saying. I closed my eyes and breathed in and out, trying to keep my tears in that I could feel were building up behind my eyelids.

"What did you say?" Ashton finally spoke, his voice so small and quiet that it almost seemed like I had just imagined it.

It was now my turn to stiffen up, because I didn't know what to say. I didn't even mean to tell him the truth about how I love him, but it just slipped out even though I'm not ready. I certainly wasn't ready to repeat it when I could see quite clearly that he didn't feel the same. The fear in his eyes and the way he was trying to scoot away from me wasn't really a good sign.

"I-" I started, my voice shaking, just like my hands did as I fiddled with my fingers. I tried avoiding his eyes, but at the same time I wanted to look at him to read his face expressions. I slowly looked up to meet Ashton's eyes, and the blank look he had on his face, as well as fear, only made me want to stand up and either jump off the cliff or just fly home and cry in my bed.

"N-Nothing" I whispered, looking at Ashton but quickly averting my eyes to my hands again, "It was nothing"

I could feel Ashton's eyes on me but I kept mine away from his to protect myself from falling down in the dark.

"Tell me what you said, Luke" Luke. Not babe, not baby, not princess, it's only 'Luke' now.

"Nothing" I assured again, this time even quieter.

"I know you are lying to me" Ashton whispered, "I heard you say it"

"Then why are you forcing me to say it?" I snapped, looking up and locking my eyes with his.

He looked at me with eyes filled with numerous feelings. Everything was mixed up in his hazel pools and I couldn't read them. I didn't know if he was going to kiss me, punch me, cry or run away, everything was a mess in his usually big and happy eyes.

"Is it true?" he almost just breathed out, so quietly it could just have been air blowing past me.

I didn't want to answer that question because he knew it was true and I wasn't going to confirm it for him a second time. I wouldn't be so cruel to tell him that and to not mean it, even though he'd feel the same or not.

I just locked my jaw at the anger and frustration at myself. I looked him dead in the eyes, my eyes burning from the stinging feeling from the salty tears. I refused to let them go though, I refused.

The quiet answer and the my serious stare into Ashton's eyes was the answer he needed to know that the words were true, even though neither of us didn't want them to be.

Ashton sat still for a moment, only staring at me before he closed his eyes and sighed loudly, a frustrated sigh almost. He opened his eyes but didn't look at me.