Grunt Work

Training

So on my first day as beastmaster, they gave me a vibrator.

That wasn't the only thing they gave me. I got me a saddle, an aquasuit, and a book. I wish they had just left it at the vibrator, because that was the only thing I really knew how to use. There wasn't really anyone around to tell me what to do with the things - the quartermaster that gave me all this stuff just said 'good luck' and buggered off. The old beastmaster, Jenkins? He must have left in a hurry because he left his phone, as well as his other things. Bit silly of him, if you ask me, but it means I'm all on my own. Just me and Mr Huggles.

At least Mr Huggles is pleased to see me. He doesn't want to hug me so much anymore, but that's okay. I read the first page of that book, which was a manual, and put the head of the vibrator into the pool, like it said, and turned it on. Mr Huggles popped his head out of the water almost immediately, and looked at me. I gave him a wave. He just kept looking.

So, reading a bit more, it turns out that this vibrator is actually how I'm supposed with Mr Huggles, on account of octopuses not having ears. I suppose if you spend your life underwater, you'd evolve to not have ears. I'd imagine having them pop all the time from the pressure would be pretty annoying, after all. I don't understand how they feel the vibrations but then again I don't really understand how you could use all those tentacles at the same time. I often have difficulty walking with two legs, while walking. But that's okay. You don't need to know everything. The books says he understands, so I'll just learn to talk like he does. I lowered my face so that my lips touched the water, and blew a raspberry. I don't really know what I said, but Mr Huggles squeaked. I think I've found my calling! Kaira Tangaroa, commedienne to squid. Octopuses.

The next step was to put the saddle on Mr Huggles' head, just above his eyes. But to do that, I need to put my aquasuit on. And to do that, I need to find someone to help. Time to go exploring.

It's funny, but given that it's a secret supervillain lair, it's surprisingly empty. I must have been wandering around the eighth level for an hour before I found someone, and that was because I somehow ended up in the Research and Development. Looking at the map on my tablet, that's three floors below, but I don't remember taking any stairs. Still, quite lucky to have found it as one of the techies agreed to help.

'No, no,' said my new friend, Baran, 'you need to make sure the seals are secure before you plug in your gas supply. Don't want to waste any.'

I tried to check the seals, but they're on my back and I got quite a bit dizzy before Baran stopped me and checked. 'There,' she said. 'That click tells you that the seals are done, and you can put on your helmet.'

I did as she said and, grabbing my book and saddle, jumped into the water. The aquasuit had these little fans that helped me move, which was really useful because I couldn't really swim, the suit was so bulky, but thankfully very floaty so I didn't need to worry about sinking. Mr Huggles must have been used to being saddled because I got it on him with little effort, the saddle sticking on his head thanks to the bottom having all these tiny suckers. The saddle itself was quite nifty looking, and it had a built in vibrator so I could tell Mr Huggles where to go. Unfortunately I got the book pretty wet and couldn't flick through the wet pages all that well with my suit glove on, but after some testing I managed to figure out how to tell him to go forward, and twisting the handlebars apparently told him to go left and right. Pretty soon we were zooming all over the water. I whooped and waved to Baran at the edge of the pool, who waved back.

'I don't know  to stop!' I yelled at Bara. She yelled something to me, but I couldn't hear her over the sound of the waves. She went over to the exit and for a moment I thought she was going to leave me to it, but she just picked up the phone that was hanging from the wall.

'There should be a brake,' her voice came over the speaker, somewhere overhead. 'Like on a quadbike.'

I'd never been on a quadbike, but it turns out a quadbike is a lot like a bike, and I managed to slow Mr Huggles down. 'Good boy,' I said to him, putting him on the head beside me. 'Who such a good boy? You are,' I drove him over to the edge of the pool beside Baran.

'Good work, you two!' Baran said, smiling up at me. 'But you'll need to put in a lot more work to be ready for the mission.'

I was too busy trying to figure out how to tell Mr Huggles to give me a high five before I realised what she had said. 'What mission?' I asked.