Grunt Work

The Intruder

I think it's pretty obvious what was going on.

When you become a member of the Kaptain's organisation, they take a scan of your face, and also fingerprint scans and blood and DNA samples. This is mostly to identify your dead body, but it also keeps you safe from the base's automated security. The automated turrets, death rays and other assorted weapons systems have access to this database of personnel information, and so if they see you, they'll scan your face and run the image through the security database and, if they match your image, they don't shoot. But if they don't match your image? Well, then we get extra clean up duty. And if they can't find your image then there's really only one reason for that.

I stepped onto the pressure plate.

'What are you doing?' Paula half yelled, half whispered. A whisper yell.

'It's fine,' I said to her. 'The bloody thing's broken. Why else did it think you were the intruder?'

'Uh,' she said, looking from me to the death ray that was peeking out of the ceiling and peering down at us. 'That's...true. But maybe it's broken in the sense that it thinks we're all intruders?'

'Oh yeah, I didn't think about that,' I admitted. I looked up at the gun. It hadn't shot us yet, so I took that as a good sign. 'Hey, why are you not in your tactical gear?'

'I, uh, got stuck,' she answered. 'I was just on my way when I stepped on this stupid pressure plate.'

'Ah, yeah, I hate it when that happens,' I looked about us for an answer to the problem. 'You know, this reminds me of a story I heard once.'

'That's...nice?'

'It's a pretty good story, I reckon. This guy is walking along the street when he walks into a hole. Well, he doesn't walk into one. He falls. So he falls into a hole.'

'Is it really such a good time for this?'

'Well we're not going anywhere, so now's as good a time as any. So a priest walks along and doesn't fall in, but the guy yells up for help. The priest says a prayer and walks away. Then a doctor comes along, and the guy asks for help. The doctor writes a prescription, gives it to the guy, then walks away. I don't know what the prescription was for. Maybe painkillers? I know when I fall in holes, my legs hurt a bit.'

'You fall in holes often?'

'More often than I'd like. Anyhoo. A politician comes along. I'm not really sure where this guy was to come across a priest, a doctor and a politician all in one day. In my head he was in New York, but maybe it was a smaller place? Anyhoo. The guy asks for help, and the politician promises to petition to get the hole filled in, and walks away. Then a friend comes along, and the guy calls for help again. But this time the friend jumps in. "What did you do that for? Now we're both stuck down here", the guy says. But the friend says, "true, but I've been down here before. I know how to get out."'

'Wait, so you know how to get out of here? That was the point of the story?'

'Oh, no,' I said to Paula. 'I just thought it was a cool story about being stuck. Yeah no, we're stuck.

'The fu-'

'What are you two doing here?' someone from further up the corridor called out to us. I turned and saw that it was the big guy from the den of inequality, the Abyss.

'Oh hey, Jeff,' I waved at him. 'We're just in a bit of a pickle. The death ray is acting up a bit,' I pointed to the death ray overhead.

Jeff followed my finger and eyed up the gun. 'Seems fine to me?' he then squinted at us. 'Who are you?'

'Oh, this is my friend, Paula. She works here.'

'Uh huh.'

'Anyhoo. Can you help us out?'

'Hold on a sec,' Jeff looked us up and down. 'How long have you worked here?'

'Not long. Not long at all. I'm pretty new,' Paula replied.

'I didn't see you in the meeting. Why aren't you wearing your gear?'

'I was just checking on things down here. You know, making sure everything is secure,' I noticed she was sweating. I must have been too. Who knows when the death ray would start living up to its name.

'And whereabouts you from?'

'Hong Kong,' she bit her lip. I could feel her tensing.

'I don't remember any recent recruitment drives in Honk Kong.'

'Oh, I'm only from Honk Kong. I was actually living in... New Zealand? At the time,' she nodded eagerly. 'New Zealand, yes. My work visa expired and I was just looking - I mean, it was about to expire and I was trying to get it extended. And, uh, yeah. Then I came here.'

'Yeah, we go back a ways,' I said to Jeff. 'She's even friends with Mr Huggles. Oh hey, that reminds me. Have you seen anyone around here who doesn't look like they're belong? Like an intruder?'

'You know, it's funny you should say that,' Paula said nervously. 'I did see someone looking a bit shifty over by the elevator. I think it went up. I couldn't see what floor though. It went up quite a bit.'

'Oh dip, really?' I asked, shocked. 'We must have just missed them as we were coming down. We should go.'

'Hmm,' Jeff said. 'Well, if you vouch for her. And that's as good a lead as any. I'll go warn the others.'

'Wait, Jeff?' I called after him because he had started to leave. 'Any help with the gun? The pressure plate?'

'Oh, sure,' he went over to the security console built into the wall at the end of the hallway, took out his ID, swiped it, then punched in a few commands. The death ray went back into its hiding place in the ceiling and something clicked beneath us.

'That's a relief. Thanks, Jeff!' I stepped off the plate.

'Wait!' Paula yelled and tensed.

'What's wrong? It's off.'

Paula looked at me, then down at the floor, then at Jeff. She tentatively moved off of the plate. 'Thanks, Jeff,' she said slowly. 'I was just a bit nervous, that's all. It's not every day you have a gun pointed in your face.'

'Well, not everyday,' I agreed. 'Most days.'

'Okay, look, you two,' Jeff said. 'This is a strange situation, and I want to find out what exactly happened here, and why that death ray was acting up.'

'Yeah, no worries, Jeff,' I said. 'I'll take it up with the base security, myself. I know the chief of security,' I paused, thinking about Billy. 'One of them, anyways.'

'As long as you do,' he said, his deep voice going deeper. I get the feeling he was trying to tell me something, but I wasn't sure.

'Yeah, no, of course,' I reassured him. 'I'll go there right now!'

Jeff nodded, gave us both one last look, then ran off to join the others.

'Listen,' Paula said, turning to face me. She leaned in close. 'Thank you so much for helping me. I thought I was dead. I owe you. Why don't I go up to security and deal with the issue myself? In fact, it might be easier.'

'I don't know,' I said. 'I did say to Jeff that I'd sort it out, myself.'

'True, but this way you can get back to Mr Huggles? Make sure he's okay?'

'Oh yeah!' I nodded enthusiastically. 'He's probably really worried. He doesn't like the flashing lights. Oh, and you can probably get your ID sorted out, too.'

'My what?' she said, and looked down at her batch.

'It looks nothing like you. That's probably why the camera didn't recognise you.'

'Yeaahhh. I was feeling ill that day. I think I had an allergic reaction or something.'

'Oh, that sounds awful. I'm sorry.'

'Thank you,' she looked about her, then behind to the other end of the corridor. 'Well, I don't think I can get my work done today, so I'd better get going. Thanks again, Kaia.'

'No worries, bro,' I said, as she left, heading more or less in the same direction as Jeff had gone. I had a quick look around, just to make sure everything looked fine, then went back up to check on Mr Huggles.

We never did find the intruder.