Grunt Work

The Speech

'Hello San Francisco,' said the Kaptain, his voice echoing a thousand times over from every device. 'First of all, my sincerest apologies to you and your fine city for making such an entrance. As you may be aware, I do like to enter with a bang. That's what she said. Aha. Aha ha! Ahaha!'

The word 'laugh' appeared on my screen, though I didn't need telling twice. Gotta love a that's what she said joke.

'My friends,' he continued. 'For too long your city has been run into ruin. Your streets filled with the dehoused. The houses filled with nothing as the rich buy up all your estates tax purposes. OoOoOoOoh,' he wiggled his fingers scarily at the screen. And while all those tech bros and venture capitalists and business tycoons drive up the price of everything - and my thanks, by the way, to all the tech bros who so gratiuously gifted their technology. Special shoutout to Elon for the new ride. You my hoe - while the poor go poorer, unable to live in their own city...'

I started to zone out and found myself looking around. Everyone was glued to their phones. The police ignored us, huddled in groups to watch the live feed. Civilians who had been hiding, hearing the sound of fighting having died down, now came out to stand on the street to see what was happening while also looking at their phones. I could hear, even though the fighting had stopped here once our forces had taken control of Twitter HQ and, I'm guessing, the other social media companies situated in the city that there were still explosions and gunfire going on elsewhere. Because of the live broadcast I couldn't check in with our other forces, though since I couldn't hear any otherworldly explosions or noises told me that we weren't dealing with any superheroes. The fact that Winnie was with the Kaptain told me that Hiéroe or any other Elemental hadn't turned up, nor the National Guard. And since the police were apparently on our side and doing nothing, I decided to have a little nap.

I woke up, groggy and sunburnt, maybe an hour later and the Kaptain was still talking.

...'Your senators and MPs - are they MPs? Oh, members of Congress - and your members of Congress take money from "special interest groups" and allow them to run roughshod over your great country, tearing it apart, unechecked, for their own gain. They sell your labour, your sweat and tears for...'

'Hey I'm a little bit hungry,' I said to the others. 'Can I get you guys anything?'

Katya was staring intently at her phone, absorbed in the speech, and said nothing, while Johnnie and Manish were placing bets over their armwrestling. By the looks of it, Manish was winning, though I think that might have had something to do with how he kept trying to tickle Johnnie's armpit. I couldn't find him nearby, then spotted him at the southern edge of the green, looking in the direction of Twitter HQ. He was holding a banner up, which said: 'ILY ELON'.

I couldn't see any shops around the green, so I headed into one grand looking building, which looked to be a theatre, to see if they had any popcorn.

'Hey, you got any foods?' I asked the receptionists who were huddled behind their desks.

One of the women poked her head up. 'Madame, this is hardly the time! A madman-'

'Oh hey,' I said, 'no need for that kind of language.'

'A- a - a person of ill repute has invaded!'

'Where?!' I asked, shocked. I took out my gun and had a quick look around.

'There! Look!' she held up her phone to me.

'They have done nothing to curb the excesses of the capitalist forces who even now have a stranglehold-'

'Ohh the kaptain. He has got a bit of a reputation, I'll admit. But he's not too bad, once you get to know him. Great dancer.'

The woman blinked at me. 'You-'

'Would like some popcorn, if you have any?' I finished for her.

'This is the Civic Auditorium! We do not allow your kind in here! Let alone have popcorn!'

'What's that over there?' I asked, pointing to the far corner that looked a lot like a concession stand.

'Well, that's different,' she said a bit reluctantly.

'Comes out all the same,' I told her, and made my way over. I couldn't find a cashier so took a box of candy and left some money on the counter, hoping they didn't mind my New Zealand money. I figured they were both dollars, so it's probably the same anyway. I settled in a chair and got out my phone to see how the speech was getting along.

'Your government sits idly by, muttering "thoughts and prayers" with each national tragedy, and then they do nothing,' the Kaptain was saying. There was now a fire behind him. It was a pretty cool effect, and one that hadn't been mentioned in the briefing. Someone must have just thought of it.

'They starve your teachers, your schools, all while pumping money into their armed police forces, while taking money from the NRA' he continued. 'It is time we did away with these corrupt politicians. Which is why I'm delighted to announce that I am throwing my hat into the ring in the next presidential election. Vote for me!'