Grunt Work

Making Friends

Did I ever tell you I could sing?

I don't think I did, but anyway I do love a good singalong. I'm fairly good at it, truth be told. I did briefly consider joining the regimental band before I was invalidated out, and then almost went on New Zealand's Got Talent, but I'm not really one for crowds so I didn't. But one of the things you need to be a good singer is to have good breath control. You need to sing between breaths, and even during, if you can manage that. I can't, but I could take a quick breath and hold it for quite long. This turned out to be quite useful because Mr Huggles took me underwater. I made sure to keep hold of my mop. Trying to find it again in this big of a pool would have been a nightmare, I can tell you.

I think he was looking for that light I was talking about. The one that seemed to come from deep in the water. But now that I was actually in the water I think I need to re-evaluate, because we've gone down quite a bit and still haven't reached it. Truth be told, I think it's actually in the water? It seems to be all around us. Like I'll look sideways - what I think is sideways, anyways - and it'll still be there. Look down. It's there. Look up. It's there. All around us, but in the distance. Unless it's moving. Mr Huggles seems to be getting a bit agitated, which I can understand. He was probably trying to have a nap but he can't turn this bloody light off. I tried to clap my hands because maybe it was like one of those lights you clap on?  And it's not like a kraken can clap their tentacles. They're too sticky. But anyway, turns out humans can't really clap underwater either.

'Beast!' said a voice from somewhere over my shoulder, and I realised it was Winnie the witch. I had no idea how she could sound so clear underwater, because when I tried to talk it just sounded like gurgling. I turned to look but couldn't find her, even with the light. 'Surface and unhand that guard this instant!' Winnie said.

I looked up at Mr Huggles' eyes - well, eye. I could only see the one from this angle. 'She sounds a bit pissed, bro,' I tried to say, but again, gurgling. 'Better do as she says.'

He seemed to understand me for he started swimming, zooming off in one direction that I realised, once we breached the surface, to be up. I do appreciate the speed with which he did it; I was getting a bit light headed. I'm sure Winnie would be upset to lose two new recruits on the first day. Besides, I'm not really one for quitting. I'm a bit stubborn like that.

When we landed on the floor by the pool I saw Winnie surrounded by several guards, who held torches - very helpful, much easier to see things in the dark. And also guns - not quite as helpful. Mr Huggles seemed to be of the same opinion, for he shot off somewhere. I couldn't see where we were going until one of the guards helpfully shone a light ahead of us, and I could see a door. Mr Huggles reached for it, but he's a big one and I don't think he knows his own strength because when he tried to open it he tore the door off its hinges. It's a bloody shame, I thought to myself, someone in maintenance is going to have to fix that later.

I didn't have any worries about how we were going to fit through the door though. Octopus - octopusses? Octopussi? Pretty sure that was a Bond film. Octopusses have no bones so they can squeaze through any hole they can fit their beak through. I saw it in a David Attenborough documentary once. Mr Huggles is big, but he's still an octopus, and a very gentlemanly one, too, because he let me go through first, and I got to watch him squeaze through that tiny, tiny door, becoming all scrunched up and then expanding like he's a squiddly balloon being filled with air. It's really quite something to see.

'Stop!' Winnie yelled, and as I looked behind us I could see she and the guards were chasing us, and that's when I realised that Mr Huggles is just having a bit of fun. He wants to play hide and seek. I brought out my tablet but the ride was a bit too bumpy and I couldn't put in my password. You know like when you're driving along and you get a call, but you can't swipe to accept the call because the road's too bumpy? Like that Bloody annoying, to tell you the truth. I spot a a door up ahead and I yell up to him, 'over there!' pointing at the door. He doesn't seem to understand so I try in Maori. 'I reira!' but that didn't work either. Maybe I should try French? Maybe that's why Kaptain Kraken wants to learn it. Unfortunately I don't know any French beyond voulez vous coucher - coushez? Avec moi. Okay I don't really know how to spell it either. I just pointed at the door again and he seemed to get the hint.

We enter into a bloody huge hangar. I know it's a hangar because I can see Kaptain Kraken's airship. It looks like it's taken a bit of damage, because I can see engineers are at one of the wings, taking apart some burnt bits. I wonder if it was a lightning storm? Must have been a big lightning storm because a fair bit of it seems to be damaged, but the engineers seem to be on top of things. Well, they were, but once they saw Mr Huggles they ran off. They didn't need to. There were so many people around the ship that I realised that Mr Huggles would be found straight away, so I pointed away from it, aiming more for the other end of the hangar.

Unfortunately, our game had to come to and end because Winnie entered from the other end. I wasn't sure how she got ahead of us, but then again she's probably been working here for years. She'd know the layout better than me, and I'm sure Mr Huggles doesn't really get out of his pool all that much.

'Beast!' she said again, which is a bit harsh. I mean, yeah, he's not exactly the prettiest octopus I've ever seen but there's no need for shaming him. 'Put her down this instant! Do not eat the help again!'

'No worries, boss,' I said. 'Mr Huggles just wants me to clean his beak. See! It's got all this moss and seaweed on there,' I lift up my mop and clean off all the green stuff around his beak. Mr Huggles quite helpfully brought me closer so I could get right in there. The moss was a bit stubborn but it gave way after a few goes at it. 'There you are, right as rain,' I patted his beak and he put me down on the floor. He chomped his beak a few times and made a happy sound. I couldn't really understand it because I don't speak French, but I said,' anytime, mate!'

See, it's just like the story of the lion with the thorn in its paw. That guy helped the lion with getting the thorn out, and the two became the best of friends. I helped out Mr Huggles with his beak, and now we're the best of friends.

Aww, he's trying to hug me again.

'Put her down,' said someone else, and something inside me stiffened. I knew the voice of an officer when I hear one, and when Mr Huggles put me down I stood to attention, just as Winnie did, beside me. I wasn't even sure where the voice was coming from until I looked up at the ship.

And that's when I met Kaptain Kraken.