Ersatz

August 19, 1991 - The Night of the Pier Reunion

Edited/Updated: 10/7/23

"I'd like to tell you how I feel about it."

The Riverside Hostel

The room was dark. The wallpaper was peeling from the walls, and the carpet was stained. Roman had been sitting in the window overlooking the river for several minutes, in absolute silence. There was a musty scent to the room that likely permeated the wallpaper. Old cigarette smoke, combined with stale alcohol, and possibly urine. Someone had tried to cover it up with cheap deodorizer. When his day started, he never envisioned that he'd be sitting in a nasty riverside hostel with his deceased wife by evening. 

He stood from where he sat, and began to pace the room, restlessly, as if he were caged. He felt caged. He was staring into the eyes of the woman he had dreamed of nearly every night for five years. He woke up every morning, and mourned her all over again. Yet, there she sat on the end of the bed looking up at him with the softest smile as if he hung the moon. She was just as much in love with him as she was the day she went missing. Golden honey blonde hair, and hazel eyes filled with tears and flecks of amber. Her skin glowed with health and vibrancy, and he was scared. Petrified, actually. His mind tried to tell him that he was either dreaming or confused, but he was neither, because he could run his fingers through her silken hair, he could smell the soft scent of her skin, and he still had the taste of her on his lips. 

"I've got so many questions, I don't even know where to start, Doc." Walking over to where Marlena sat on the end of the bed watching him, he was struck by her beauty. How could he have forgotten how she took his very breath away? One kiss, and he was ready to throw everything he'd built since her death out the window. He had fought to come back after being nearly destroyed after losing her, and yet there she sat. Still in absolute shock, he managed to say in a light tone, "I hope you weren't planning on getting any sleep tonight, young lady."

"No," she said softly, smiling up at him. She knew she should let him go home. He had other obligations, and people were at the house waiting on him. She wanted to keep him with her. She wanted his mouth on hers again. She wanted to taste him, but she couldn't. Softly, she said, "But, Roman, you've got a party going on—"

 "—forget about that party...what about you?" he said, standing over her. He couldn't leave her. He was afraid if he walked out that door, and attempted to return later, he would find it had all been an illusion. So instead he continued to stare at her in awe.

Marlena looked up at him, wide-eyed, and confused. She hadn't even considered her needs. "What about me?" 

He didn't answer her. He couldn't answer her, and she knew that. Neither one of them had an answer for how to handle their situation. A dead wife returned after five years on the night of her husbands engagement party to another woman? No. There wasn't a guidebook for how to handle that. 

She stood up slowly, stepping so close she could smell him, and told him the truth, "Well, if it were up to me, I'd have you stay here all night...just so I could look at you."

 Roman's eyes closed with the effort it took to hold himself back. He imagined splaying his open palms across her hips, and pulling her close. Instead, he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms. He tried to remember if her eyes had always held an entire forest in their depths. She was so close, the heat radiated from her, and that warmth mixed with a soft floral scent that he could only associate with her. She was intoxicating, overwhelming him with her presence. He needed to think, come up with a plan, but it wasn't even possible when he was distracted by memories of running his nose along the length of her neck, and licking her behind her ear.