Bollywood Jokes

Alok Nath vs. Rajnikant

Twitter in India is ruled by two men: Alok Nath and Rajinikanth. And once pretenders to their name - Neil Nitin Mukesh, Nirupa Roy, Uday Chopra - fall by the wayside, these mighty forces must face off, in a bid to determine who is greater. We've chosen 8 pairs of jokes involving each, and are pitting those 8 jokes against each other to measure who is better. Here we go...

Round 1
A: Alok Nath is so sanskari that he smokes agarbattis
B: Recently China airports were closed due to heavy fog. Later it was discovered that Rajnikanth was smoking in India!
Alok Nath takes this one in a no-contest. 1-0. Could Rajinikanth actually lose, in the greatest upset ever?

Round 2
A: Alok Nath went to Sunburn and did Surya Namaskar
B: When Rajnikanth stares at the sun in anger, the sun hides behind the moon, and this phenomena is knows as a Solar Eclipse!
This was almost too close to call, but Rajinikanth rallies back to win. 1-1.

Round 3
A: Alok Nath is so sanskari that he uses haldi and chandan flavoured condoms
B: Rajinikanth doesn't need a condom. He simply says 'Stop!' and the sperms obey
Snorting coffee through our nose, we give this one unanimously to Alokji. 2-1.

Round 4
A: Alok Nath is so sanskari that he closes his eyes every time he takes a bath
B: Rajinikanth doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths
Could this be the end of Rajini? It's all Alok Nath, as he goes ahead 3-1.

Round 5
A: Alok Nath removes his slippers before playing Temple Run and distributes prasad after crossing every level
B: When God finished Temple Run, he saw Rajinikanth at the finish line
Surely this is the Rajini we know and love - outrageous exaggeration, swagger and simple truth. 3-2.

Round 6
A: Alok Nath went to Vaishno Devi for his bachelor party, with his family
B: At Rajinikanth's wedding, the fire took saath phere of Rajinikanth and his bride
We believe they call this 'match point' in tennis. Alok Nath is on the cusp of a famous victory, at 4-2.

Round 7
A: When Alok Nath bought a new phone, he broke a coconut on it
B: When Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone, he realized that he had two missed calls from Rajinikanth
The quintessential Rajinikanth joke blows away all opposition. 4-3. The last round will decide.

Round 8
A: Alok Nath is so sanskari, he was born at the age of 65
B: Rajinikanth got his driving license at the age of 16 seconds
Rajinikanth does it again, perhaps inspired by MSD's last minute antics. The score is tied at 4-4.

The moral of this story is, perhaps, that no matter how good someone is, they can never beat Rajini. The best case is a draw.