Bollywood Jokes

Songs and their translations

Hookah Bar (Khiladi 786): 
Tera pyaar pyaar pyaar Hookah Bar
Translation: Your love love love (is like a) Hookah Bar
Hookah Bars are banned :-| All other songs from this movie are equally epic. TryKhiladi Bhaiyya or Long Drive Pe Chal

Fevicol (Dabangg 2): 
Main to tandoori murgi hoon yaar gatkale saiyan alcohol se
Translation: I'm like Tandoori Chicken, swallow me, o lover, with alcohol
That was delicious and intoxicating.

Tu Mera Hero (Desi Boyz): 
Humko Kehte Superman
On Kar Lo Handy Cam
From AM To PM 
Bandey At Your Service Mam
Translation: We're called Superman
Switch on your HandyCam
From AM to PM
We're at your service ma'am
Thank you.

Amplifier (Imran Khan): 
Ni woofer tu meri (meri), main tera amplifier (fier...)
Translation: (to a girl) You're my woofer. I'm your amplifier
I wonder what a woofer-amplifier child would look like.

Munni Badnaam hui (Dabangg): 
Main zandu balm hui, darling tere liye
Translation: I became zandu balm for you darling
Brand placement, anyone?

The following lyrics from the song "Jahan chaar yaar" by Kishore Kumar are quite hilarious:

One O Clock In My House 
There Was A Cat There Was A Mouse 
Khel Rahe The Danda Gilli 
Chooha Aage Peechhe Billi 
Choohe Ko Pad Gaye Jaan Ke Laale 
Bola Mujhko Koi Bachale 
Mere Paas Tha Bhara Gilass 
Pee Gaya Chooha Saari Whisky 
Kadak Ke Bola Kahan Hai Billi 
Dum Dabake Billi Bhaagi 
Choohe Ki Phuti Kismat Jaagi 
Khel Risky Tha Whisky Ne Kiya Beda Paar 

Translation: The time was 1 am. There was a cat and mouse in my house. They were playing a game called gilli danda. The mouse ran ahead but the cat followed close behind. The mouse became extremely scared. In its fear, it cried for help. I had a glass full of whiskey. The mouse drank it all. Then it roared, "Where is the cat??" The cat became intimated by the mouse bellowing and it fled from the scene. The game was risky but whiskey came to the rescue of the lucky mouse

My top 10: 

1. My name is Sheila, Sheila ki Jawani. 
How can Sheila ki Jaawani be a name?

2. Dreamum Wakeupum Critical Conditionam 
adding 'um' to an English word to catch attention was very lame and did not make any sense. 

3. I am a hunter and She want to see my gun; 
When I pull it out by the, Women start to run ( from Gangs of Wasseypur 2)
Very catchy and very funny.

4. Chinta ta chita chita chinta ta ta (Rowdy Rathore)
Does not make any sense at all. 

5. I love you sayyoni, I love you sayyoni, I love you sayyoni 
Koi shaque? whatsup?
By our very own Himesh Reshamiya.

6. Main to Raste se jaa raha tha
Main to bhel-puri khaa raha tha
Main to seeti baja raha tha 
Main to Ladki Ghuma raha tha
Teri Naani mari to, Main kya karoon? 

( English Translation: I was walking down the street…eating bhelpuri….whistling a tune…making out with a girl…your granny died, so what shall I do?)

7. Sarkailo khatiya jaada lage (repeat 3 times) 
Jaade me sajna pyaara lage

8. Tamma Tamma Loke
(English Translation: You lover, me lover; you agree, me agree; so why should we care about daddy or mommy; you are only worthy of love, the rest of the world is useless; Tamma Tamma loke)

9. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTYVWXYZ……I Love You, You Love me (Hum saath saath hai): Our filmmakers should be commended for aiding education of pre-school children. So what if it makes for senseless lyrics…the ends are important, not the means.

10. Anda Agar Na Hota To Murgiyaan Na Hoti, Murgiyon Ke Bin Maze Ki Partiyaan Na Hoti, 
Gar Partiyaan Na Hoti To Aashiqui Na Hoti, Jo Aashiqui Na Hoti To Zindagi Na Hoti, 
Ande Se Milti Murghi Murgi Se Milta Andam, Patna Ho Ya Batinda Ghar Ghar Mein Milta Anda, 
Is Mein Chupa Hai Jeevan Ka Fal Safa 
Aao Sikhao Tume Ande Ka Funda, Yeh Nahin Pyare Koi Maamule Banda

(English Translation: If there was no egg, there would have been no chicken, without chicken there wouldn't have been parties, without parties there wouldn't have been any romance, without romance there would have been no life. You get eggs from chicken, chickens from eggs; whether in Patna or Bhatinda, in every home you get eggs)

There's this song called "You are my chicken fry". Originally sung by Bappi Lahiri, and remixed for the movie Ragini MMS, it is mostly in English and basically involves the guy wooing the girl by calling her the names of all his favorite food!?. (Translated into English)
 
You are my chicken fry
You are my fish fry
Kabhi naa kehana kudiye (i.e. Girl dont ever say)
bye bye bye 

C'mon
You are my samosa
You are my masala dosa
Main naa kahungi mundiya (I will never tell you girl)
Bye bye bye
C'mon
Sarson kaa tu saag hai (a spinach-n-mustard dish)
Main makke di rotti (a bread made of corn)
Jo bhi tujhko dekhe (whoever sees you)
Ho jaaye niyat khoti (will lose their intent)

You are my chocolate
You are my cutlet
Main naa kahungi mundiya
Bye bye bye

Garmaa garam tandoori tu hai
Main toh aankhe sekoon 
Mooh mein paniaa jata hai (Water comes into my mouth - salivate)
Jab mein tujhko dekhoon (when i see you)
You are my rossogulla (rosogulla and rasmalai are two awesome indian sweets)
You are my rasmalai
Kabhi naa kehanaa kudiye
bye bye bye