For Lovers Only - [A Zarry Stylik]©️

IX - ...AND HARRY PICKED IT UP

H,

I don't hate Liam.

I said it before while knowing him, I loved him at some point.

He was strong, kind, a great leader, and a friend. I don't hate him, but his actions make me feel a certain type of way. Overall, I can be in his presence, I can look at and laugh with him. We've been through moments and bonded.

I don't hate him...but, I can't help but feel like I'm overpowering him. Dominating over him. Winning over him. I don't feel bad about that either.

We've only gotten physical once and it was over a silly reason. I held my own. It was enough for Liam to understand that, if any of us ever could face him in a fight, it would be me. I didn't want to fight him, though. I wanted everyone to be treated with kindness and always led from a place of love...

Unless someone stepped on my toes. I'm not an idiot.

In my mind, I had lost to Liam when he asked Zayn to be his boyfriend when we were children and when they got back together after university. Those were his victories and I'm sure he manipulated the right amount to get that result. Liam could do that.

I won when Zayn chose me over him despite their marriage. That meant more to me than any other point in our history. It proved to me that Zayn wasn't happy before, that it was all falling, and it would be a matter of time before collapsing.

I had a badge with me in ways that Liam could never have. I had Zayn with me in ways that Liam could never have. I knew him inside-out and loved him even more despite that transgression.

I know. I know that lying and cheating are bad things, especially if you're a third party but...I couldn't care less.

I was winning. I won.

I don't hate Liam.

I never did. If anything,

I felt sorry about lying to him and deceiving him. Smiling in his face, seconds after I had kissed his husband in their bathroom during dinner. Saying how lucky they were for having one another, even though I had Zayn's bittersweet taste still in the back of my throat. Hugging him and wincing because Zayn's scratches were all over my back. It was horrible, I know.

But I won.

I like to think that he's threatened by me. Sorry - I know he is. Why? Every time we were together, Liam would feel the need to get Zayn's attention: poking, touching, being too loud or doing too much so he'd look. It was ridiculous.

I didn't have to do that. I never had to do that. I would sit in my corner and Zayn would come to me. Always. With a look, with a movement of the eyebrows, a smile, or a sigh. He'd turn to me. Through school, through university even as adults. It was natural.

I'd do the same. Gravitate towards him like a planet around the sun. It was effortless, beautiful, and so intense.

I was always winning, and Liam had no idea. I loved that.

As I said I don't hate Liam. I have no reason to. I cared about his well-being. I liked that he was here.

What I didn't like was how he kept searching for Zayn in the crowd. It showed such insecurity and possessiveness.

I was standing across from him, with a new drink in hand and listening (or trying to listen) to whatever Niall was saying. Niall was a great entertainer and storyteller, but at this moment my focus was on someone else. I knew Zayn would show up at any moment, so I needed to push down everything that came up while we were on the balcony.