For Lovers Only - [A Zarry Stylik]©️

XV- MANIPULATIVE, UNHEALTHY AND DOWNRIGHT TOXIC

Z,

I sat across from my therapist assessing my emotions and listing everything that I needed to say. How could I explain my feelings and what was going through my heart in the best way possible? Where do I begin?

I told her all about Harry. Our story. Everything that happened up until the moment I walked up into her office.

Harry's voice still echoed in my head and the look in his eyes still pounded in my memory bank. Being the cause of his tears tore me to shreds and, worse than that, being accused of using the same tricks Liam had used on me made it all worse.

I leaned forward, with my hands on my head and took a moment to collect myself. I was exhausted.

"Zayn?" My therapist called after I quieted down after retelling my story. "Do you need a moment? We don't have to go through everything today. This is a process."

I sat back, wiping my tears again and crossed my arms at my chest.

"No. I'm good. I need this."

"You and Harry have a lot of history."

"We do."

"And you also have a history with Liam."

"I do."

"You've decided on ending things with Liam then?"

"Yes."

"Because there's a possibility on the horizon that Harry might be on the path to dating someone else. Even it's just a series of coincidences at this point."

"I can't take that chance," I replied wiping my hands on my jeans. "It's not the same as before. This is different."

"Simon is the competition?"

"Simon is better," I explained. "He's not indecisive, he's sure of himself. He has...I don't know..."

"Money? Power? Influence?"

"Patience," I responded, searching for the right answer. "Kindness. Time. Dedication. He has all the tools Harry wants. He has what I can't give him and that kills me."

"And you fear that Harry might see this and go to him, shutting all doors and burning all the bridges between the two of you. Leaving you behind."

"Yes." I swallowed hard, rubbing my jeans still. "I'm not sure, how I got here, you know? How I got to this point where...I'm just utterly lost at everything. One thing I know, the thought of losing Harry to someone else scares me."

"Funny, Liam said the same about you."

I let out a tired sigh "It's the second time someone compares me to him."

"It's normal. When you're in a relationship for so long, you imprint on your partner and vice versa. You might not notice, but to others, you two might be like mirrors of one another."

"What if I'm a frame and not a mirror?" Dr Ronan gave me room to explain my theory without interrupting. "What if I'm empty inside and I just...become or respond to what he wants or what he does, without it ever becoming myself? I always consider: what Liam wants, how can I help him or how can I make him feel better. What if I don't want to be his mirror at all?"

My therapist stared at me, searching within herself for a thread to continue the conversation. I found myself shrinking under her analytical stare.

"When you speak of Harry, the way you say his name is different. He bothers you. Like you're trying to remove a splinter on the tip of your finger, but you're gnawing at flesh.'