For Lovers Only - [A Zarry Stylik]©️

XXII- THERE IS MASTERY IN THIS

L,

3 WEEKS LATER

You know, there is mastery in this.

There is a science and knowledge that one acquires throughout time.

It's not just grovelling or begging or pleading your case. It's more than just texting or calling or nagging. It's fighting for what you want, or better yet, for who you want. Believing in something that you two have built together.

I could just say 'you know what I'm done. This love is not worth it. I've been trying way too hard for way too long.'

But then again, why would I do that? I love this man.

I admit, it may not be the healthiest type of love, but it is. Everything I say is true. My life without him is meaningless. I did everything I have done because of him; for him. It is that strong of a love. It's not a children's book or a story you make up in your head, it's real. It's in me. When it hit me it did so with the power of a million suns. It's blinding.

I thought I was someone, but then I wasn't. When Zayn confessed his love for me I was confused.

Startled.

Even more when Louis clocked that feeling within me before I understood it for myself. I was confused. It was a lot of information in little time; I didn't know what to do.

Then I looked at Zayn and I saw him. He was kind, loving and generous. A sweetheart! He wouldn't judge or demand much of me or ask me for impossible things. He cared for me from the top of my head to my toes.

And in my assessment of him, I also found out how easily he was to mould;

I don't like the word 'manipulate' it makes me feel like I'm evil, but people do change during relationships and are moulded into new things. You love vinegar potato chips, and then you stop because your wife says your breath stinks after you eat them.

You smoke a pack a day and then you stop smoking because your husband begs you to.

Stopped drinking, hit the gym, read more books, listen to different songs or watch more French movies...people can be mouldable.

With little effort or too much intensity.

And if little things can be done to someone for them to change their behaviour, you can also...mould their feelings. Humans are multiple things, you know? We're not set in stone. Change is ever happening, and it started with little things.

If I were sad, Zayn would comfort me. If I were angry, he'd take my side. I began saying how happy he made me, how I'd be happy being with him - deepening our connection and tagging him into my happiness. I also added little "messages" to assess his guilt and reaction saying things like "it would've been nice if you brought me this" - just for him to bring that thing to me the next time or have comments like "I know I give you more gifts in our relationship and that's fine." - so he'd go the extra mile for us.

When you mould someone into something else it takes time, dedication, and appreciation. I wanted Zayn all to myself. A perfect match for me - he was fine the way he was before and I fell for who he was, but he could be better. He could be my perfect side. In my mind, no one else would see him if he responded only to me. Easy, no?

If he acted on my cues, he wouldn't act on no else's. Of course, I'm not blind! I know he's a very handsome man, and I know that there are a lot of people who want him. I knew that I had first place in his heart.

I made him choose me. Every. Single. Time.

So, I needed to plan this carefully. I couldn't do what I did the first time (that had been a risk!) and I couldn't do what I did the second time, because that was too much. This time I needed to send a clear message.