For Lovers Only - [A Zarry Stylik]©️

XXVIII- END THE CYCLE

Z,

This is it. This is where the story changes. I've never been this far out before.

This is what I feared. This reaction, this unprecedented volatility that I had never seen before. It was his to have, granted! But it scared me. By the tone of his voice, I knew that whatever came during this process was not going to be easy.

My entire reality was crumbling down like a deck of cars. There was no sound around me, only my hard breath coming in and out of my mouth. Liam's insults rang free inside my head. On a loop.

Egotistical, liar, cheater...

I was all of these things, and I wasn't proud of it. I was ashamed.

In the middle of all of it, the thought that I had made Jamie cry. My poor Pirate crying and screaming because of me, made my heart clench. I wondered if all of this would scar him for life.

I shut my eyes, keeping myself steady, hearing Liam screaming inside my head. I open them again hyper-focusing on the horizon to keep myself from falling to the ground.

The wind made me deaf to all outside noises, amping the sound of my running heart and fragile breathing. I searched the elements, for anything to hold me still, anything to give me focus. I shut my eyes once more with Liam screaming inside my brain.

Egotistical, liar, cheater...

I noticed I was gasping for air. Hyperventilating. My view came in and out of focus, keeping myself steady as fear crept into me.

"Breathe," I heard a voice next to me. A hand fell on my chest, and someone kissed my temple. "Breathe, honey."

I recognize Harry's embrace and his closeness to me. He stood tall next, keeping me glued to his body. My lover kept me steady and secure in his embrace while panic moved within me. From the moment I picked up the phone and heard Liam's voice, Harry hadn't let go of my hand.

I looked at him for guidance and he showed me how to breathe, as I had forgotten how it was done.

In through the nose.

Out through the lips.

Harry was frowning. He looked serious. Concerned.

Why was he frowning?

A face like that shouldn't be frowning. He should be smiling; I should be making him smile. Harry should be smiling and cackling as he had during this weekend. I hated how his beautiful eyebrows were curved and judging. 'The Styles death glare' we used to call it: beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

One of his hands went from my chest, down to my arm, while the other kept my hand squeezed. He kept holding me, acting as an anchor to pull me out of my panicked state. My love looked a little bit paler than usual, and his eyes were of this intense green. In this moment of silence, we were so near together, I could almost read his mind.

Looking at him, kept me calm and focus. He was my guiding light and my satellite.

It had been so nice having these three days for ourselves. We talked, we laughed, we cried, and we loved. Between all of that, we managed to heal our wounds - or I want to think that we did. I'm not going to say there was 100% trust on Harry's end; One look at his face and I knew he was pondering all sorts of scenarios regarding us.

My lover's mind kept pushing and pushing through all these questions and scenarios. His eyes moved from my face to our hands and stayed there. Thinking, pondering, imagining. This was always the tipping point.

In our loving zone. Daring to dream about a future when Liam would show up and cause havoc. It was my fault. It was always my fault for things getting this out of hand and for our moments to never be eternally blissful. I understood his fear. I saw it in his eyes. I wondered if they reflected what my eyes showed him.