Suits and Scars

Chapter Three: Memories

As I walked into the apartment all I could hear was laughter. I took my time in the hallway to put on the emotional mask that my childhood had given me. With a smile plastered on my face I continued down the hall to my room in hopes of making it there without interruption.

"TayTay!" A deep voice filtered from the living room.

I didn't even have to turn around to know it was Matthew Carbo. My face flushed and my heart started to race just by the sound of his sweet voice. I have always had a huge crush on him but I never actually told anyone about it. 

I remembered when Mama asked me once if I liked him but Greg heard the conversation and I got seven slices on my butt for even thinking about boys. When Madison asked what I got them for I lied and told her I put my dishes in the sink too hard. It wasn't a complete lie, I had got three for that one time.

I took a deep breath and turned around to see Matty and Madison sitting on the couch with some wine. Mads was already in black leggings and a loose white crop top t-shirt. While Matty sat in his suit from work, besides his jacket which was hanging on the back of one of the dining room chairs. His light pink button down shirt was straining across his muscular chest. I raked my eyes down his body to his glass of red wine held in his lap, which made me notice just how tight his navy dress pants were pulled across his thighs. I quickly pulled my eyes back up to his face, all I could muster was a small tight lipped smile in their direction.

"Hey Matt. I'll be right out." I tried to sound happy but really I just wanted to get into my room so I could let my emotions go and get changed into more comfortable clothes.

Once the door clicked shut I dropped my work bag, purse, and shoes next to my bed as I felt the first wave of defeat rise to my throat. My first instinct was to always choke down the tears but this time I let the tears overflow and fall to my cheeks.

I let out my bun and watched in my vanity mirror as my wavy hair fell down my back. I pulled my shirt up over my head and saw the large white scar on my side. I ran my fingers lightly down my side and remembered my dad always told me that I was stupid and would always be a disappointment to him. More tears raced down my cheeks causing me to force my feet to take me to the closet.

Maybe he was right.

As I pulled my skirt down and picked up some grey cotton shorts I heard my door open. I took a deep breath to suck in all my sadness before telling, who I assumed was, Madison that I would be out in a second. I heard the latch on the door click again and let out another sigh before a sob forced its way from my body.

I looked around for my black Simple Plan t-shirt. The fabric was faded and stretched out but I've had it my whole life and it was the comfiest shirt I owned. I knew that as soon as I walked out in it Madison, if not Matty too, would know that something was wrong. I searched my entire closet before remembering that it was on my reading chair with the rest of the clothes I still needed to fold.

I walked out of my closet in just my light pink lace bra and shorts. I stopped dead in my tracks seeing Matty standing at my vanity.

We made eye contact through the mirror, "Why are you in here?"

"Because you called me Matt." He said it as if it was a reasonable explanation.

"I always call you Matt, it's your name. Still doesn't explain why you're here." It's then that I noticed he had something in his hands. I tilted my head to the side and raised my eyebrows, "and going through my things?"

He finally turned around to me and scanned my body. I remember I wasn't wearing a shirt and although I should have been embarrassed I was more afraid to pass him to grab my shirt. If I walked by him there was a good chance he was going to watch me and then he'd see all the other scars on my back.