Suits and Scars

Chapter Forty: Nighttime

Taylor's Point of View

Matt made mac and cheese for a quick lunch and later that night I made us a Margherita pizza. We sat up for most of the night talking and drinking; APAs for the guys and rosé for me.

We watched the sunset while sitting on the floor in our living room in front of the fire. It was that time of year when the evenings were cold enough to need a jacket but during the day you'd be fine without it. It wouldn't be much longer before we would start seeing snowflakes.

Winter in the city was like a coin. In the early morning, right before the early birds made it out their front doors and the city was just about to wake up, everything was beautiful. Untouched snow coated the roads and sidewalks. Flakes glistened in the lights as they floated down from the sky that was starting to be lit by the rising sun.

Then the coin would flip the second the city came to life. The flakes in the air would all of a sudden cease to exist. Cars and people trampled over the fresh powder turning it into a thick grey sludge that followed you everywhere. The wind that once felt like it moved around you would now bite at every bit of exposed flesh it could. As the sun rose in the sky the snow would begin to melt under its warmth and the once annoying sludge became unavoidable pools on every surface.

Suddenly you would realize that the sun was dipping back into the horizon and the coin would slowly flip over again. People and cars dissipated as well as the noise. City lights would come on but still, it wasn't as harsh of light as the sun was. Then once everything was quiet again the snowflakes would come back as if they no longer had to hide from the people, and would undo everything they had destroyed during the day.

I remember having nights like this with Mama growing up. It only ever happened when Greg was away on a work trip, but I always held those memories the closest.

"Mama?" I asked as we were curled up in the living room with hot chocolate. I was around fourteen and it was the last time we spent together without Greg around.

She pulled the blanket around her more as we stared out at the falling snow, "Yeah baby?"

"Do you think Daddy will ever let me get married?"

She laughed a little but I could tell it was filled with nervous energy. She continued to look out the window. We were in the heart of winter. The snow was up to my knees. The trees were bare other than the snow that clumped on their branches. The only thing that proved there was life out there was the footprints left behind in the snow.

She finally spoke, "I'm sure he will eventually. Why do you ask?"

I sighed and turned away from her, "I hope he does let me. If he does I want to get married in a greenhouse while the snow is at its tallest but we can all be warm inside."

Mama wrapped her arm around me and told me she couldn't wait to see my dream wedding become a reality. "You know, when you're much older and have found the love of your life." she added.

I frowned slightly, "And once Daddy says it's okay."

She squeezed me tight to her, "Something tells me you aren't going to need his permission, angel."

I woke up from that dream with too many emotions racing through my body. Chris' arm was still tightly wrapped around me from when we fell asleep. He told the other guys they could sleep in their rooms tonight because he needed me.

When we got to bed I had thought he was going to have his way with me, I even kind of looked forward to it. Instead, he just held me close and told me how strong and beautiful he thought I was. We kissed for a little while but he didn't try anything more than that and I ended up falling asleep with him playing with my hair.