Suits and Scars

Chapter Twenty-Five: Emotions

Taylor's Point of View

Matty stood in front of the window while Chris and Dec paced by the fireplace. I returned to my spot on the bed continuing to ask them what was wrong but no one answered me. I was completely lost as to why they were freaking out. They didn't act like this when they found out about my scars but because I stayed at a hotel on the other end of town, I was going to get the silent treatment. How was that logical?

Declan and Chris mumbled to themselves while they paced but I couldn't make out what they were trying to say. Matty however stood so still he could have been mistaken for part of the wall. His hands were tightly held behind his back. Occasionally he would cock his head to each side before rolling his shoulders back and staring out at the city lights.

I stood from the bed waiting for any of them to notice I had even moved. When it was clear they weren't going to break their concentration I pulled the robe closer to my body and walked to the balcony doors. I called over my shoulder that they could go do their weird possessive thing in their own rooms and get out of mine. Chris tried to call out to me but I didn't care enough to stop.

I stretched my arms out to my sides and let the cool air blow across my face. It was a little colder than I was expecting but I welcomed it. Now that the guys knew about Greg I was afraid of what was going to happen to all of us. I was afraid to learn what the guys knew about the letters I got at the hotel. However, the one thing I was the most afraid of was seeing Matty angry again.

I never thought he would ever be mad at me but then he punched the wall right next to me, then he yelled at me, and now he wasn't even talking to me. My head was spinning and my heart was racing. I tried to pull air into my lungs but they wouldn't fill up like I needed them to. I looked out at the world below me but I couldn't see enough in the dark to ground myself. I leaned over the railing a little bit to try and scare myself. Sometimes it worked like jump-starting my system. I pushed myself up onto my tiptoes but the second my left foot started to leave the cool cement I was pulled back into a hard chest.

It wasn't enough. I could feel the tears on my cheeks now but I still couldn't pull in a full breath. I wrapped my fingers into my hands, pressing my nails into the palms. Big arms held me tight around my shoulders as he made calming noises into my hair. I started counting, I didn't have an end goal other than the biggest number I knew. It was weird that counting actually helped ease the panic attack since that's all Greg would make me do but it always took my mind off the attack.

The murmurs being whispered were slowly starting to make their way into my head. It was then that I realized I was laying against Matty's chest on the floor. I glanced around, Chris was standing in the doorway while Declan was crouched down next to me.

"Breathe baby, you got this. You're so strong, beautiful girl. I'm right here for you. We've done this before and we will get through it again." Matty whispered into my ear while rubbing his thumbs up and down my arms.

Declan was rubbing small circles onto my legs. I looked up at him but my eyes couldn't focus on him, it was like all I could do was look through him. He did a once-over of my body, his eyes stopped on my hands. Without a second thought, he slowly forced his fingers into my hands and pried them open. He pulled my palms up to his lips and kissed the fresh red crescent marks.

A sob was forced through my lungs; it was how I always knew it was over. I turned my head to look up at Matty and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Shh sweet girl. There is nothing for you to be sorry about." His voice was so smooth and soft, "What were you doing leaning over the edge?"

I could tell he was trying to make light of the situation so I didn't spiral. He was right, we had done this before. The first time he helped me through a panic attack was the night after I had found mama.