To Love Or Not To Love

Chapter 1

"Fuuuuuck!" I just woke up and I'm so tired I barely slept last night. I grab my phone and check the time, it reads 06:05. Yeah I'm super tired because I woke up around three because of this nightmare that got me sweating like a pig. I was being chased by wolves that ate up a friend of mine and man, was I not scared. When I got up around that time all I could do was pray and pray and pray because WOW!! I don't know hey...I think God is mad that I actually went through with masturbating last night.

I had already eaten so I decided why not do something to get me relaxed before I catch some sleep but I guess God was furious he decided not to let me rest. Yeah I should get up from this bed now or I'll be extremely late for my interview.

I quickly go to bathroom to fill water in the bathtub while I take out something formal to wear. Navy blue two-piece and crisp white shirt to go with it and a pair of heels sounds good. Once I'm done with that I pee then get inside the bathtub and take a quick bath. There's no time to be bathing slow ngoba ngizo selwa ngempela ( I'll be really late).

By 07:15, I'm out of the flat and on my way to catch the 07:30 bus. My mom is the one that helps me pay rent for this flat because I'm unemployed. I moved from Mpumalanga to Johannesburg because I needed to be independent and that's why I'm looking for a job this side. I also my mom was tired of having me in her house all time kodwa net nje angeke asho (but she just won't say anything).

As I get to the bus station, the line is not that much today and I'm super grateful for it. The bus arrives at 07:35 and we're on our way to our destinations. I picked the seat near the window because I hate having small talks so I do this to avoid all that and listen to some music.

As we move past houses and buildings I think about the time I was still in high school...man I never went out much. I guess this explains why I'm not the best at socialising and sometimes have moments of awkward silence. I wonder how it would have been had I made friends that had genuine intentions. I had a friend once, her name was Tholakele and in her I thought I had found someone who understood me and loved me for me. Turns out Tholakele was two-faced and was never interested in being friends with me just pretending to. Tholakele's story is one for another day.

As I zone back into the present, I realize we are approaching the bus stop I was directed to get off at and I take off my earphones and put my phone in my bag. I get off the bus and head on over to 'Ezizweni', the company I'm going to an interview for. I'm a nervous mess as I stand in front of this building...I hope all goes well.

**Sigh** Well here goes nothing!?