ZIMBINI
So today is my wedding day and I'm feeling all kinds of emotions. Nervous; excited; scared; etc...you name it and I feel it! I can't wait to be Nkanyezi's wife and it's been a while coming since we both fell in love not long after knowing each other.
I have mentioned this before- that I thought what Njabulo and I had was love. Well it felt like it at the time and I was positive that no one else will "love" me like he did. But then Nyezi showed up and proved to me that there is a love without any toxicity. I'm just glad we met after I had broken up with Njabulo, otherwise that would have been a tricky situation.
Nobody is perfect, that I know but when a person tries to be a better version of themselves for you it pushes you to do the exact same thing...to try and be a better person. That is exactly what Nyezi does to me, makes me want to be and do better. He loves me for me and I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not when I'm with him.
The greatest love he's ever shown me is by loving my siblings as his own. Nothing had prepared me for the bond he'd share with Mtho, they are like Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in 'Bad Boys'. It is wonderful to see them together.
Not to mention how Thandi has him wrapped around her finger. Whatever she asks from him, she gets and I hope this doesn't come back to bite him in the end. I haven't intevened in the spoiling department because my little sister hasn't given me enough reason to.
She becomes a brat sometimes but nothing I can't handle. My point is, I'm certain that I want to spend the rest of my life with Nkanyezi. He is IT for me and I'm content with the little family we have and I'm hoping God blesses us with two more children.
I love being a mom and even though it comes with challenges, I'm grateful I'm not doing it on my own. It was hard raising Mtho and Thandi by myself and I don't want to go through all that again. I get to have someone to share the stress with making it a bit easier.
Simphiwe is an angel and he makes motherhood slightly easier for me. He only cries when he's hungry or needs a diaper change, other than that he's a quiet baby. Sometimes I get scared thinking that maybe something is wrong with him but the doctor has assured me that he's healthy as a horse.
Sigh.
As I'm looking at myself in the mirror, my mind drifts off to thoughts of my mother. She would have been so proud and happy to see me looking so beautiful on my wedding day. She was the queen of compliments and always dished them out. There were times I looked like a wreck but she'd still tell me I'm wonderful.
My mother believed beauty was not how a person looked but how a person carried themselves and treated others. That was a teaching she always emphasized on and till this day, I carry it with me. In as much as Nyezi has a great body and looks handsome, I wouldn't have pursued anything further had he been an asshole.
After all, the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I get so insecure sometimes and I wonder what will happen if Nyezi ever gets tired of me. I never want that to happen but there is this voice in the back of my head, that keeps on telling me I am not on his level and that he deserves.
I try to shut it out most of the time but then again, I'm only human and that it's normal to feel such a way. His love often snaps me out of it and I'm reminded that he chose me knowing how I was and stuck around regardless.
"Oh friend, look at you!! You are so beautiful." Yanda gushes as she enters the room I'm in.
I smile in response and say a simple 'Thank you'.
"So listen friend... mom is outside and she'd like to say a few words to you before you walk down the alter.", she says. Since the engagement party, I've been in contact with the guys' spouses and we have become friends since then.
I asked all of them to be my bridesmaids and of course with Yanda, being my maid-of-honor. They are an amazing bunch and I'm happy I get to share with them this life-changing moment in my life.
"Oh of course friend. There's no need to even announce that." She nods with a smile on her face and exits the room to fetch her mom.
When Yanda was found and brought back, I got to meet her mother for the first time and since then, she's treated me like her own. I can safely say I take her as my mother now and she's been so present in my life as well. She has been helping me with Phiwe and giving me advice on how to tackle certain situations.
I didn't know I needed a parent figure in my life until her. The feeling is overwhelming sometimes...knowing that I have someone to count on besides my friends and that that person is an elder. My life is full of love and warmth that I wish everyone gets to experience what I'm experiencing.
"Honey, you look so gorgeous.", MaMkhize says as she enters the room giving me a kiss on the cheek. Well I'm happy now that I didn't apply that much make-up.
"Ngiyabonga make. (Thank you mom.)", I say. That's what Yanda calls her and it has stuck on me ever since.
She continues giving me compliments for a few while before she says, "Well I wanted to pray for you before the event starts."
I feel tears roll down my eyes because this means a lot to me. I never thought this day would come and now here it is and I have a lot of people who support me. She prays and asks for all things great then she leaves me to finish up.
All my uncles who have distanced themselves are Catholic and don't believe in any religious customs. That's why I'm set to marry without having iLobolo (Dowry) being paid for me. This was challenging because Nyezi wanted to pay it but then who would have handled those negotiations?
I like it this way though because it gives me room to leave whenever I feel unwanted and unappreciated. Not that I'm saying it will be that way but I am happy I have a choice in all of this.
Everything is done and all that's left is for me to marry the love of my life. I take a deep breath as I realise that this is 'Thee' day and I'll be a Mrs at the end of today.
My friends rush in and pull me to the matrimonial venue. So this it, time to say I do! Now Nkanyezi becomes my husband and not just my lover. Or is it soulamte?
My thinking is cut off by the doors of the chapel being opened.
YOU ARE READING
To Love Or Not To Love
रोमांसZiyanda Mkhize is a young lady who has never fallen in love before but later meets a gentleman who ticks all her boxes. Will she finally fall in love with him or will she sabotage herself and ruin whatever they have going on?