To Love Or Not To Love

Chapter 21

ZIYANDA

I'm in a great mood this morning and I'm even dancing along to 'Cough' by Kizz Daniel as it booms from the speakers. Last night was amazing and I didn't expect what I found when we arrived at Mnotho's place. He had a whole picnic set up in the garden and it was sight for sore eyes.I didn't even want to sit down because I just couldn't get myself to destroy such decor.

The blanket was covered in white rose petals, the pillows were black and yellow. Not to mention the food platter we had- salami; cheese; dark chocolate and loads of other stuff were there. uGuy went all out with this picnic...he even had different types of drinks made available for me. There was no way I would settle for juice or water, when there's booze available.

Ukuphuza kona ngiphuzile shame (I drank a lot ). I'm in the kitchen right now trying to make something edible for this fine man of mine to have for breakfast this morning. I did say I'm not a great cook but I make a decent plate of breakfast. He deserves it to be honest, he made me feel like a princess and no other person has ever done that for me. It's not to be questioned whether we had sex or not last night... there was no way that wouldn't have happened.

I last spoke to Zim yesterday when we got off at work, she left with a taxi. She looked a bit down, I wonder what was wrong. I should just give her a call and check on her.

"Mnge, zithini lapho? Uright yini? (Friend, what's up? Are you okay?)" I ask immediately when she answers her phone.

"Hi friend. Ngiright yazi wena unjani? (I'm well and how are you?)" She says.

"I'm okay hey. I am calling because I saw that you weren't 100 when you left yesterday. Is everything okay?" I ask as I dish up the eggs on a plate.

"No I'm okay friend thanks for asking. There's stuff I had to tell Nkanyezi and I was worried about how he'd take the news."

"And how was he after you told him?"

"Very supportive to be honest. I didn't think he'd take it so well and I'm just happy that he did. He even slept over but he left early because he had something important to do." She says

I'm just glad she's okay. "Oh okay friend I'm happy that all is well. So we'll talk properly when we meet up right?"

"Yeah sure thing mngani. Talk later." With that, we end the call. Okay now that breakfast is ready, I should go call this man of mine.

As I'm about to wake him up, he's already in the passage. I turn back as he follows me to the kitchen.

"Hii baby... you woke up early." He says as he gives me a kiss on my forehead and cheek.

"Hi Munch. Yeah I woke up pretty early today." I say as I kiss his cheek.

He sits down on the kitchen stool and I serve him his food.

"Thanks baby" He says.

"Pleasure. So I was thinking...how about we go on a weekend getaway for your birthday?" I ask him as I settle down next to him.

"Babe you do know that my birthday is next week right!? I don't think I can plan a trip that fast." He says. Does he really think I'd want him to plan his own birthday outing.

"No you don't have to do anything, I have it all sorted. You just need to agree to going with me that's all."

He thinks about it for a while and when he smiles I know that Operation Go To... I still don't know where I'll take him. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

"Yes...I'm down for whatever." He says. I am happy that he has agreed and so we continue with talking.

After breakfast he leaves saying there are things he has to do. We kissed goodbye and off he went. So about yesterday, I honestly thought Mnotho was going to propose and I would have rejected the proposal either way. I mean I am really starting to warm to the idea of actually letting myself fall in love with him and so far he's ticked so many boxes.

He is heaven sent and I care about him a lot that is why I am planning this trip for us. He's been so supportive and patient...I sometimes feel like he'll switch up one day and finally realize that he deserves someone better than me. I think this will be a chance to show him that I care and trying to put in as much effort into this relationship as I can.

I am not an affectionate person and he knows that, and sometimes it seems as if the relationship is one-sided. I'm just glad that he gets it but I think it's time I did more. I want to increase our level of intimacy...for him to get to know more about me. I don't think I want to lose him and I need him to know that. Maybe for me to get a step closer to even think of marrying him.

All these thoughts flood my mind as I settle down to binge-watch on 'How To Get Away With Murder'.

***********

I'm a music lover for sure and it's one thing I CANNOT live without. I connect with it on a deeper level and to me it's a form of expression therefore I do not see myself without it. Right now I'm playing 'Imiqhele' by Zandie Khumalo, her voice is absolutely amazing and there's just a lot of soul and emotion in it. Since it is Sunday, it's only fair I try and praise God as much as I can so to compensate for my lack of going to church.

I've never really been a church person...I just feel like there's a lot of hate within the church itself so there's no way the Holy Spirit would be in a place like that.  Women competing for the Priest's attention and whatnot, comparing their blessings, not to mention the gossiping and many other things that are not supposed to be done at church. You can definitely miss me on that!

My mom knew that as well, that's why she never forced me to go to church. There was a time where I had decided to stop believing in God for some reasons I'll mention another time. I found my way back to Him though and I've been hopeful ever since.

Speaking of my mom, I last spoke to her Thursday night... I need to call her before she gets worried. Ever since I moved away, she worries about me a lot so I try to put her mind at ease whenever I can.

"Ma wami...unjani? (Mom...how are you?)" I ask as soon as she answers her phone.

"Nya nyami...Nya nyami se foot!! (Mocking tone)" Okay so she's pissed.

"Hawu ma!! Kwenze njani manje? (Mom!? What's wrong now?)" I ask knowing very well she's madbecause I hadn't called.

"Don't ask me that. You know exactly what's wrong. I told you the last time we spoke that it would be great if you called regularly to let me know that you're okay. It's been days manje and I worry. Do you want to kill me Ziyanda!?" I don't know how we got to death so fast but I have to defuse the situation now.

"Nxese ma wami (I'm sorry mother) I promise it won't happen again...I love you." I sound like a baby right now but hey, anything for my mom to forgive me.

"Aii kodwa Ziyanda...It's okay as long as you promise it won't happen again. I'm well thanks and you sweety?" And just like we've moved past it.

Mom and I talked for an hour I think...she was telling me about things that are happening around the neighborhood and we switched to talk about my work and Mnotho. I told her about him a while back and she loves him for me...her words not mine.

When the call ended I was complete. I thoroughly enjoyed that talk with her and now I can feel that I'm ready for the week ahead. I still hate working though. Sigh.