To Love Or Not To Love

Chapter 19

MNOTHO

I can't begin to describe just how great life has been these past few months, not to even mention how well my relationship is going and our sex life is amazing as well. I never thought getting into a serious relationship again would be one of the greatest things I get to experience in this lifetime. I can say that it was not really easy being with Yaya.

She did tell me from the get-go that she won't be able to say she loves me unless she really means it. I thought things would change once we startes dating and that maybe I could convince her otherwise, but that proves to be a bit tough. She still hasn't said those three magic words regardless of how many times I say it to to. If I say those words to her she'll only answer with, "Thank you!" "That's great." "Uh...wanna do something fun?"

We talk about everything and anything to stray away from that conversation. She says that her feeling this way has nothing to do with past relationships or anything but I think otherwise. I think that maybe she experienced some kind of abandonment issues that she views as normalcy and has no reason to believe that is why she can't fall in love.

So I'm currently at work and we're dealing with an upcoming company that has asked us to take care of the plumbing in their company. Things have been quite busy because that is not the only project  we have to be installing pipes and taps in. It is busy around here and I'm just waiting for the day to be over so I can see my girlfriend.

"Hi baby, how are you?" I just called Yaya, I want to find out if she has any plans for tonight. I want to do something to make her feel special.

"Hi Munch, I'm well thanks and how are you?" Oh yes...she finally has a pet name for me. She finds it hard to use it when we're together though but she does once in a blue moon.

"Good. I just wanted to know if you had any plans for this evening?"
"No I don't...why?"
"I just wanted to have you come over to my place and maybe I could cook you some of your favorite food, share some wine and maybe if I'm lucky we could do more?"

She laughs and I can already tell what her answer will be.

"Yeah sure why not. I can't wait. So you'll pick me up from work right?" She says

"Yes, I will be there at five-thirty. Is that okay?"

"Yeah it's okay. Chat later then?"
"Later. Bye sweety, love you."
"Bye." She says in a monotone voice.

One thing I know about myself is that I'm way too affectionate and I know that sometimes it gets pretty annoying for other people. I'm the type to ask questions about what you're doing and who you're with at every hour, and all that is done innocently. With Yaya though, I've tried to be a bit less affectionate because she's expressed to me once that she gets easily overwhelmed and I am not planning on losing her.

I need to get this work done before I leave because I know that I won't be able to get any work done once I get home.

*************

ZIMBINI

I was scared jumping straight into a relationship so recently after a break up. But I right now I'm glad that I took that chance with Nkanyezi because he's been such a  great boyfriend. He's an alpha male so he can get a bit controlling at times and I have to just bring him back, and make him understand that I'm also an female and that I'm used to being independent.

Ever since he got my account details, he's been doing the most and sending me money at the most random moments. I love the fact that he does that for me, out of his own free will but I did try telling him that he doesn't need to do so much. His response was, " I was taught to take care of my own and that means providing whenever I can. This is just me showing how much I love you...by caring for you and yours." And of course the "yours" he is referring to are my siblings.

Three months into our relationship, I decides to formally introduce him to Mtho and Thandi over lunch. The introduction went pretty well, although Mtho did give Nkanyezi a bit of a hard time in the beginning but by the end of lunch, they were best friends.(YAWN!)

So my decison to tell Ziyanda about Nlanyezi a bit later on was because I had doubts about how she'd take the news of us dating friends. I didn't want to be THAT girl who just wants to date in the same circle as her friends...kind if cliché if you ask me. I'm just glad she didn't see it that way and that nothing has changed between us.

I'm a very private person and more especially when it comes to my past. There are things that I've done for my siblings and I to survive since my mom was not able to. The more I grow closer to Nkanyezi is the more I realize that I'll have to let him in and tell him about things that I'm not necessarily proud of. It won't be easy but I have to do it because he's been hinting about meeting his family and marriage, but I want him to do that once he knows the real me. I need to just rip off the band-aid and do it.

He's on his way here and I'm feeling a bit anxious. I invited him over so we could talk and I'm just glad the kids aren't here. Thandi went to her friends' place for a sleepover and Mtho went to a crossnight study session with his friend. Matric is really hard and I'm confident that he'll do well.

I hear the car pull up on the driveway and I know that he has arrived. I left the gate open so he could park inside and then he'll lock once he has entered. There's a knock on the door and I attend to it. I take a deep breath before I open it. "You can do this Zizi" I whisper to myself.

I open the door and he looks so majestic in that outft he has on. I could just lick his entire face...but that's not why he's here.

"Hii baby...how are you?" He says as he leans over for a hug
"I'm good and how are you?" I reply pulling out of his warm embrace.
"Good good. So what's happening? You said it was important?" This man has no patience whatsoever.

I lead him to the couch and ask if he'd like anything to drink. "Yeah...just beer please."
Well I stocked up on Beer since I realized that it's what he loves to drink I come back from the kitchen with his drink and hand it to me. "Thank you...so what is it you'd like to talk about?" He asks as he takes a sip of his beverage.

"Well first and foremost, I want you to know that I have grown to love you and appreciate  your presence in my life." I say.

He chuckles and says, "When someone starts off like that, it's not usually a good thing."

I smile nervously and say, "I'd like to tell you about my past..."

His eyebrows furrow in suspense as he looks at me. I have to tell him and hope for the best. Well here goes nothing.