To Love Or Not To Love

Chapter 45

ZIYANDA

"You look gorgeous my friend. That dress was definitely made for you." I say to Zim. She came to get her last dress fitting and might I add that it is more than beautiful, it accentuates every curve of her body.

Since she gave birth to her baby boy, Simphiwe, she gained a bit of weight. All the weight gain went to all the right parts of her body because wow!! She looks banging and not even a trace of once being pregnant.

I always thought she looked pretty with a slim body but she looks even better. Her body is almost that of Serena Williams so best believe I'm not exaggerating. Mnotho even thought I was bisexual since I couldn't shut my mouth about complimenting her every chance I got.

I've been with a female or two in my lifetime but I don't know if that qualifies me as a bisexual. Or does it? Anyway, my boyfriend doesn't need to know about that right. What he doesn't know won't kill him.

"Thank you friend. So I guess no adjustments are needed hey." Her lips stretch into a smile as she admires her dress looking into the huge mirror. It's a mermaid dress that has crystals on the upper body of the dress and a single strap that goes over her right shoulder. The bottom part is more of a silk-like material that reaches just above her ankles.

She said she won't be wearing a veil since she already has a child with her husband. Nonsense if you ask me but it's her wishes and I can't discourage her at all. After one last look at her dress she goes to the dressing room to take it off. I came along with her because she asked me to and well she thought we could use this moment to bond and catch up.

One of the ladies who works here at the boutique asks if I could use another flute of champagne and I kindly decline as I feel I've had enough of it. I'm a beer and wine kind of girl so I never get used to having any other drink besides those. Well, I do make an exception when it comes to gin and that's that.

My friend's out of the changing room in less than fifteen minutes and she heads on to the counter to make final payments of the dress. Thereafter, we're on the move to a restaurant to have some late lunch. We left the dress at the shop and they'll have it delivered to the venue a day before the wedding.

The wedding is in two weeks by the way and I'm super excited about it. Zim chose me to be her maid-of-honor and you don't want to know how happy I was she even thought of me after how I acted after the kidnapping.

We settle down at a booth in the corner to order some food. I'm famished and I probably would've fainted if we didn't have something to eat any time soon. A waitress comes up to our booth a minute after being seated, her name is Nosipho. Well that's what herr name tag says.

"Good afternoon ladies, what would you like to order today?" The menus were already on the table when we got here so I quickly flip through it and settle for nothing much, just a simple plate.

"Hi Nosipho, I'll have a steak and chicken combo. With chips on the side and a Greek salad. As well as a chocolate milkshake." I say to her with a smile. When I'm hungry I get super cranky or extremely nice. I guess today's mood is the latter.

"And I'll have some Chicken Alfredo with a green salad. For a drink, I'll have a passion fruit and lemonade please." Nosipho takes down our orders with a smile and no judgmental face in sight. I like this girl.

"Your order's coming right up!" With that she leaves and heads to the kitchen, I'm assuming.

"So how have you been holding up?" Zim asks after I've tried to avoid this question the entire day. I hate pity and I try by all means not to be put in such situations.

With a slight wave I answer, "Ugh I've been doing good man." I say trying to end this topic.

She nods her head with a bit of reluctance.  I know for sure she doesn't believe me but I just want to relax for now and not talk about any negative thing. "Okay. But you know you can talk to me about anything and everything right?", she says.

Sigh.

She's been like this since I came back. Maybe because I haven't told anyone about what happened back there. It's nothing deep really so I prefer not to talk about it with my friends. Of course my therapist is an exception because well, it's her job to make me feel better.

"Yes." And just like that, the topic changes talking about her new born baby. Apparently baby Simphiwe is a darling to say the least, and he hardly cries. That's great because not many babies are like that. That's what I heard from the internet.

Our order comes and I don't spare a second as I dive straight into eating my plate. We finish lunch with laughs here and there and my boyfriend fetches me after that. He's my personal chauffeur now and he wouldn't have it any other way.

*************

We just got back home and I've already taken a shower and changed into comfortable clothing. Nothing fancy, just some sweatpants and a vest. Mnotho dropped me off then went back to work. He promised to come back early so we can cuddle and maybe get to do some dirty dancing.

Sigh.

It's been six months since Mnotho and his brothers found me in Mnqobi's house. The events of that day don't really stir my emotions in any way. My friends and family are worried though, that maybe I'm holding back some emotions.

I know I should feel a lot more sad or scared, but I don't. I'm not happy that I got kidnapped but at least he took me to a beautiful and sanitary place. I think I'd be more traumatized if it were unhygenic.

The brothers found me in my state of bliss as I was still high from that Flibanserin Mnqobi gave me. I was a mess and I only opened the door for Mnotho as I didn't want anyone else seeing me in such a state. I had to help myself since I really need some sort of release.

And well, since Mnotho is the one who entered the room, I asked him for some assistance since my fingers helped in no way. He quickly shut the door and helped me while his brothers took care of Mnqobi.

Once he had taken care of my itch and we were on the road, he explained to me that Mnqobi has a mental illness. He told me what Mnqobi's brother said and what happened in his past. After he told me all that, I honestly couldn't find it in me to blame him.

No one has control over such an illness and therefore, blaming him would have been useless. I put it past me there and then, and maybe that's why my folks don't understand my behavior. I am okay and I wish they get to realize that sooner.

I did shut people off for the first two months I came back. I guess I was still coming to terms with the fact that I had just gotten kidnapped. It's not something I had planned but it's more of a reflex I guess. Like when you get your finger burned, your mind registers that as harmful and quickly removes the finger from "danger".

I am attending therapy twice a week though and it's helping me a lot. I've been able to come to terms with my sister's passing and every other thing I haven't been able to voice out. I highly recommend therapy guys, it's good to offload whenever you can.

So here I am months later still trying to get my life back together. I've quit my job because my mom and boyfriend thought it'd be best if I stay at home for a while. So yes, I quit my job and since I have my savings, I've been able to mantain my upkeep.

I moved in with Mnotho and my mom approved of it so you can say I'm married now. We've been cohabiting very well and with my sessions, I'm able to deal with my mood swings. It hasn't been easy but I'm trying and that's what matters.

I'm content with where I'm at currently and I wouldn't change it for the world. I've leanrt to live Mnotho wholeheartedly and it's just an amazing feeling to be honest. I love my man to be honest and my feelings have intensified since the ordeal that took place.

I sink deep into my couch as I allow sleep to take over even though I have a movie playing. It will have to wait because I need my beauty sleep.

Off I go to LalaLand!!