Meeting Marshall Mathers: The Later Years

When the POV changes.

Shit felt a little bizarre without her... but this space between us should of allowed me to really zone in on drafting new hits for the second part series to my new album... Not the case.
My wife was a distraction but a beautiful one at that. I found it hard to knuckle down in the studio knowing she was in the house because all I wanted was to be sat laughing and joking around with her, she was infectious and she really deaded the hermit within me.
Funnily enough without her home I thought I'd really be able to sit with the peace and flow with my lyrics, but knowing she was back in England, preparing for her mothers funeral really sat heavy on my mind. I couldn't call her, I wasn't good with shit like that, how do you comfort someone when they've took a loss that big? Grief talk didn't flow from me, I fumbled, I didn't wanna be that talking cliche of; I'm sorry for your loss, shit'll get easier... I couldn't stand to hear any of that talk back when I lost Proof.
I knew my wife too, and I knew that she knew she was at the forefront of my mind. She knew I wasn't good with this shit either, and I knew she needed space from my celebrity circus to go and be with her family, and as much as I respected their invite to the funeral I also respected their privacy because ain't no way would I stand for bringing the media to Eleanor's funeral. The thought alone of me standing there, paying my respects whilst paparazzi stood snapping photos of me, ruining the intimacy of that service made me recoil with embarrassment. And if I knew her mom from the small visit that we had, she'd of respected my decision to give them that privacy.

I walked to my gym, took one look and sacked that idea off, I was at a loss wit' myself this morning. She'd only been gone for a day. I kinda felt the need to just sit with someone and release some of my anxieties that were building in my chest. Something I'd only ever be able to do with her. I mean, yeah, I had a close circle of friends that I could often go to when needed, but I still wasn't my whole hearted open self, I could only ever be that with my wife. Even with my children dad has a front, and any parent would understand and know that front that we play to them.
Why was I feeling a sense of paranoia? Why couldn't I sit down for a minute and chill? Why wasn't I able to get mentally goin' today?
One thing that always seemed to settle me when I was directionless was to go for a drive. Just as soon as I sat my ass in my ride a call was coming through to the dash, it was Kim,

"Hey" I chirped as I clipped in my belt,
"How's it goin'?"

"Uhm... yeah, not great" Kim had been goin' through some shit with her moms illness too,

"Oh. You wanna talk about it, or?"

"I'm just... in a weird place right now. You know, with it all"

"Yea I uh, I can imagine" going through it with my mom, now with my wife too, let's just say it was pretty fuckin' easy to understand,

"And Whitney... she's not making my life any easier"

"No?"

"It's like she's rebelling against me, I can't fucking... get her to listen to me or"

"You want me to try talk to her again?"

"Didn't do much last time, right?"

"Yea well.. I was speaking with Jodie about it a few months ago, she spoke on what I thought, you know, saying it'd be best to just.. let her do her own thing, take a step back, be there when needed"

"Sorry I forgot she's the mother of the year"

"Yo, woah, kinda uncalled for?"

"Sorry but I don't need advice from her on my daughter.. or whatever she, he, them goes by. It's confusing, like I'm trying to understand her, but she won't let me in. Marshall I'll support her on whatever, right? Like.. I won't fucking... sit here and place judgement on my children, be who you wanna be, right? But when you're pushing me out, telling me I don't understand, then let me the fuck in maybe?"