I give up. |Tommyinnit angst|

15

tw's are in desc :)

not proof read!

song of this chapter : The perfect girl - mareux (not sure if i did that one already)

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tommy's pov (still) :

I wake up, due to an alarm clock ringing, I only wake up from alarm clocks because, sometimes if I didn't wake up on time, my dad would get SUPER pissed.

I get up, still tired, not surprised. I turn off the alarm clock, throw on some of my released merch, and some jeans, and go down stairs, just like everyday i'm greeted by phil, techno, and Wilbur.

"hiya!" I say enthusiastically,

"hey mate!" phil replies

"helloOoO" techno greets.

"ayup" Wilbur adds.

"what're we doing today?" I ask.

"oh we were planning on going to tubbo's for 2 days"(WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY) Phil answers, I get excited. I haven't seen Tubs in so long.

A smile grows on my face.

"what time are we going" I ask, cause im now excited.

"uh like in a hour? YOU WOKE UP SO LATEEE!" I flinch at the last bit.

"s-sorry..." I say under my breath, looking at the floor, I feel like im going to have a panic attack...

BAHAHA YOUR SO FUCKING WEAK!

YOUR SO FAT TOO...

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE ATEN ALL THOSE SNACKS!

FUCKING PIG!

I start breathing heavily, and run to my room... I can't have a panic attack in front of them. I run to my room as fast, as I can, I close the door, I try to lock it, but it's hard to focus on that when I can't breathe... I end up on the floor, head on my knees, my hands, grasping at my hair, hyperventilating and sobbing.

There going to beat me for waking up late.

I cant do anything about it...

I try 'crawling' to the bathroom to cut, I get to the bathroom and i'm reaching around for the razor, my vision blurry since i'm crying, I start getting light headed, but I get the razor, finally. I roll my sleeve up, and cut anywhere I can since my arms are littered with cuts. I feel someone wrap there arms around me. I look up. Wilbur? He takes the razor out my arms, welp... This just added to the panic attack, I was finally calming down.

"tommy... J-just breathe..." He says, it's really not that easy. I try speaking but nothing can comes out.

"I-I c-c-cant b-b-r-e-a-a-" I try saying but choke on my words. Wilbur starts circling the back up my hand with his finger, this slightly calms me down.

"tommy! Look at my chest, try matching my breathing pattern!" I try matching his breathing pattern, it dosen't work, it barely ever does. I press against the cuts, wilbur can't see this though, I wince, but it calms me down from the pain. I sigh.

"Where are phil, and techno?" I ask.

"there outside your room, I told them to wait out there..." he replies, thank gosh.

"sorry..." there was a comfortable silence.

"there's nothing to be sorry about just... What happened?" He asks in a soothing voice.

"I-erm... I don't know it kind of just happens..." I didn't exactly lie, I mean, they do sometimes just happen, other times, they happen because ptsd, or overthinking something, I could go on about why I have panic attacks. He hugs me, I melt into his hug.