nebraskan lights | skammy (finished)

13 | nate

I was freaking out. I have texted Sammy six times in the past two hours and called him about four.

I aggressively shifted into fourth gear, "God damn it, Sammy."

I didn't want to talk to Matthew or his dumb boyfriend or whatever, but Matthew was the only person who would know where he is.

After dodging a squirrel and slamming on the steering wheel and cursing it out all in one movement, I shoved the car into park.

I leaped out of the car and up to the door in two minutes flat. I pounded on the door and didn't stop until it opened.

"Du-"

I cut him off by grabbing his sweatshirt in the front, "where the hell is he?!"

I was screaming wildly and yanking his sweatshirt side to side.

"I don-"

"I DONT NEED YOUR BULLSHIT! TELL ME WHERE HE IS!"

I was in hysterics at this point, shaking Matt roughly and the tears blinded me.

"P-please, you have to tell me where he is!" I was screaming, still and Matt had a worried look in his eyes.

Carter hadn't appeared yet and I was still gripping Matt's sweatshirt and shaking him too close to his neck.

"I-I don't kno-w," Matt tried to pry my hands off of him but I clung on.

Right when I thought things couldn't get worse, it started pouring rain. Why is it even raining in Los Angeles for God's sake?

I felt my grip loosen and myself slipping to the ground, "we have to find him."

"Get inside before you get sick," Matt huffed at me when I refused to move. "He's probably fine. When's the last time you talked to him?"

I picked myself up, the rain dropping off of me and walked into Matt's apartment he shared with Carter and the angel I call Sammy.

"Like three in the morning when I dropped him off here?"

"He didn't come in at three," Matt's eyebrows furrowed, "I was awake."

That's when I started to panic more, "it's four thirty seven in the afternoon! That's thirteen hours, almost fourteen!"

"Okay, calm down," Matt snapped, "you can't get yourself worked up, remember what happens when you do?"

I tried to calm down, but I simply couldn't. My breathing couldn't catch and I was still crying at this point because this boy is missing and nobody knows where he is.

"Let me call Carter," Matt looked at me and smiled warmly, "there's ice cream in the freezer. I know it calms you down."

I wanted to snap at him and tell him I could look after myself and I didn't need his ice cream to calm me down. But I realized he was trying to help me.

I got up and opened the freezer with still shaky and rain-soaked hands and smiled when I saw the tub of Ben and Jerry's.

I cocked my head as I looked at it, it was half-baked and I knew Matt hated it and Sammy mentioned he didn't really like ice cream and when he was in the mood he only liked superman.

I wasn't so sure about Carter but I pulled the tub out and opened it. It was untouched, thank the Lord.

I took shaky bites of it trying to calm myself down and listened to Matt's faint voice from the room next door.

As he walked back in, sliding his phone back into his jogger pockets, he cast a weary glance at me.

"Carter doesn't know anything," Matt shook his head, "he's never done this before and I have no idea where he is."

I closed the ice cream and slid it back into its place, "I thought Carter didn't like ice cream?"

Lie. I didn't quite know if Carter liked ice cream or not but I need to get something out of this ice cream mystery.

"He doesn't," Matt nodded his head, "he hates it so much like I seriously don't get him."

"Then, why do you have my favorite ice cream if you, Carter, or Sammy all don't like it?"

Matt froze in his place, "who said I didn't like it?"

"You told me two years ago, when we were involved..." I dropped my voice really not wanting to do this right now.

"Oh yeah," Matt bit his lip and tightened his jaw, "look-"

"Please explain," I snorted.

"I thought you would come back." He clenched his jaw tighter, "I thought one day, you would come back to me. I thought you would give me a second chance. I thought you would show up with roses and I would have your favorite ice cream and I thought we had a chance. I really did, Nate."

My breath caught in my throat as I listened to him.

"I bought that damn ice cream for two years and replaced in all the time. I usually gave it to Cameron-" (explains why it was always in OUR freezer) "and I loved you for so long, Nate, god damn it. Do you want to know the worst part?"

I finally got the courage to look into his eyes, "yeah?"

"I still fucking love you."

At the moment in time, I felt my whole world smash down around me. I didn't know if I wanted to drop to the ground and cradle the pieces or run to the safety of my home to find the super glue to glue my world back together.

"You what?" I breathed, "you love me? How can you still love me after two years? How can you still love me after I did all of those shitty things to you? How can you still love me after taking all of your 'first's', and most of all how can you still love me when you cheated?"

"True love never dies," Matt was now clenching his jaw as hard as he could, "because I am the biggest fool for you and if I gave you a shotgun with a bullet in it and told you to shoot me, and you did, I would still love you."

I needed something to hold onto because everything was spinning in my eyesight.

I can see it hindsight, Matt and I.

"Matt-"

"I'm sorry for everything," Matthew was now crying a little, "this is so stupid because I know you like Sam and Sam likes you and everything but God, you're the love of my life and it kills me to see that you want him and not me."

My breath was no longer there, and the only words I could form was, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Matt lowered his eyes to the ground, "like really sorry."

I grabbed him by the neck and yanked him forward, my hands fell to his waist and my lips were on his.

* *

authors note:
WHATCTHE FAHWJWMWK

WHERES SAM YALL