nebraskan lights | skammy (finished)

19 | nate

authors note: im only uploading this bc the blackhawks won the fifth game of the stanley cup finals and i got excited

it sucks as usual like what do u expect anymore lol

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I needed to feel a constant buzz to get my mind off of Matt and music and fans and things that brought stress into my life.

When I don't have the buzz, I feel almost helpless. I gingerly remove Sam's fingers off my shirt, careful not to wake him up, and stumbled up and away from the bed.

I sighed and laid my head against the window pane that overlooked downtown LA.

3:42 am

I overlooked the city, the lights were bright and almost blinding. This is the "American Dream" for singers and actors and models? I can't help but feel like this is just another boring town I will get tired of eventually.

That's the thing about me, I can't stay in the same place for a long period of time. Towns are so boring and over-rated when it gets to the point where you know every little part of the town.

Plus, I hate seeing the same annoying, close-minded, obnoxious people every single day.

I dug my hands around the sliding glass door handle and sighed quietly.

"You okay?"

I wasn't scared when I heard his voice, I knew he would wake up at some point.

"I think."

Three words I could never say were, "I'm not okay."

Sam joined me at the sliding glass door, he unlocked it and slid it open.

"You know it's okay when you're not okay." He muttered setting his chair closer to the railing.

"Yes..." I trailed off. "But, it's not even a problem that's bothering me. It's more this town, the people, stress, and feelings."

"Feelings?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"It's about you, don't act surprised. I'm just...trying to figure things out I guess."

He nodded and looked at the night sky with a smile.

"If it makes you feel any better I forgive you."

"About Matt?"

"Well, yes..." He turned his head to look at me, biting his lip. "...and not telling me about Shawn."

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authors note part two:

shitty cliffhanger creds: me