Meant to be half

~8. Uneasy.~

TW: sh urges

No footsteps lingered in my ears anymore. The clicking of the light switch caught my attention, earning my body to push itself off the tiled, cold ground.

When the sounds outside the bathroom finally stopped, I knew Cate was in bed. Her book must be laying down on her nightstand.

Eyes meeting one another in the mirror, I blinked. Yet no tear escaped. The crying had come to an end a while ago.

The puffy area was standing out in between the rest of my seemingly pale skin. There was no fixing of this mess.

None of it could be fixed. That person standing opposite of me, behind that glass, I didn't recognize her. She looked so different from all the other times.

Who was that woman? Her face was rounder. The eyes farther apart. Lips so oddly shaped.

I wanted to place the piece of metal on my skin. Sling it across my thighs or any part of my body seemed like the perfect solution. A way out.

Who was I?

Ninety-eight days without. These months have been hell. All I have been longing for I had restricted myself from.

And for what? Days of hell? The upcoming days will be so far away from pleasant.

Carfully I opened the door. A gap of light shone into the room and onto my bag. Step after step I dared to get into a situation much more uncomfortable than anything I have endured before.

So I decided to keep my eyes from the bed. From Cate underneath the blanket, peacefully laying in the sheets. Her gentle and carefree expression made me feel strangely at ease.

She could play Sleeping Beauty...

Turning around, I fiddled out my pills. Barely a minute later, I had taken a benzo and laid down in bed next to the woman. On the very edge of the mattress I positioned myself. The blanket was swung over my body.

Heartbeat growing faster and slower at once, I somehow fell asleep.

Flashes of Cayden's face flooded my brain. He was upset.

"Let him go!" Dad bursted out, which only caused my mom to make furious movements. Her hands drew circles in the air, like she was painting something. "Lydia take your hand form that door!"

My brother's eyes were slim as a cut. It was almost frightening to see him like that. Threatening almost.

However my mom made eye contact with Cayden. "This is not over, young man." Without a reply he pushed our mother aside and exited the house. "We'll talk about this when you get back!"

"Lydia!"

They let him leave...

"Cayden!" I yelled when they didn't speak up.

I was running up to the front door, wanting to follow him, but I was stopped. "Don't, Emery." My dad placed his arm in front of me.

"You can't let him leave."

At least for a moment... Then my legs twitched and I was awake again. Gazing widely at the ceiling, which seemed to become bright with every moment, I whimpered.

My lungs forced my torso to heave erratically and uneasily.

Panting, I noticed the sweaty layer all over my body. Yet I couldn't move.

My muscles were limp or tensed, I couldn't tell. Tears slipped down the sides of my face and I was helpless against my mind.

"Make it stop." I whimpered underneath shaky breaths. "Make it stop..."

The light-switch was turned, causing warm light to flood the room.

The mattress next to me digged in close to my waist and Cate's face came into view. Her hands placed themselves on each side of my cheek, turning my head.

"It's been a bad dream. Just a dream." Thumbs stroking across my skin, the woman inched closer. I couldn't calm down. Somehow my mind wouldn't shut down. "Hey, hey, shh... breathe."

"I can't." I was pulled into her arms, shaking and whining helplessly.

"Yes you can and you will." The woman voiced again and I was willing to listen, as she made me look at her. When her calm eyes stared into my soul, I finally understood.

Suddenly, I came to realize whose eyes I've been glaring into lately. The calmness, the simple and vague idea of the most peaceful seas. Her eyes.
Eyes I should not be looking into. It was wrong to feel the amount of comfort I felt when glaring into her soul.

"Good, now in... and out. Good job. And again. You're doing amazing." My gaze would not leave hers, whilst a blurry view around her face showed me her rising and lowering chest.

My breathing tempered itself within a few moments and soon my cheeks were cupped again. I was pulled onto Cate's lap, whilst my arms flung around the woman.

Repeatedly the blonde cooed into my ear, telling me soothing and sweet words, until I reached a point where my ability to normally move and regularly breathe was back. An oriental warmth sent my body into a sleepy state. Her scent could be compared to a lullaby.

"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" I gently felt her hand brushing along my back. "It can help to talk about it."

"I didn't mean to wake you." I swallowed and allowed the woman to cut in.

Motherly, Cate stroke along the side of my face, outlining it. "I know. What pills did you take before bed?"

Pale as a ghost, I blinked at the blonde. "You didn't sleep?"

Did she noticed my staring? Just the thought earned my neck and chin to flush in a vibrant red. Her fingertips took note of the heat underneath, smudging a smile onto her lips.

The woman's somehow perfect waves swung, whilst she shook her head. "Don't try to change the subject."

"Some to help me sleep."

Without hesitation Cate voiced, "You couldn't move!" At the harsher choice of tone, my body shook, yet the woman immediately pulled me into a hug. Whispering sugary sweet apologies, just for raising her voice in the slightest made me feel all surrendered towards her. "I was just worried."

"It is scary." I breathed out honestly.

Cate's palms allowed me to be at ease. "Why do you take them?"

"Mateo suggested to get benzos for me."

She pulled back and glared at me with furrowed brows. "Anxiety medication? Because he feels disturbed?"

I gulped, "I don't think he was annoyed."

"Oh honey..." The gentle surface of the woman's thumb brushed over my lip. "How did it feel?" The sirens within my brain began to ring. Bright red flash signs reading 'stop' creeped into my brain. Mateo had not asked me about it yet. Maybe he would do it though. There's always time for surprises. "He didn't ask, did he?"

Actively ignoring both questions, although one was rhetorical, I changed the topic. "I would like to go back to sleep." There I gently pushed myself back onto my side of the bed.

"We can do that." Her hand stroke along the covers of my blanket, after she tucked me in. "And I won't be annoyed, if you wake me. I'll be here."

Back turned towards her, I nibbled on the dead skin of my lip, mumbling a quiet "Good night".

A sigh from behind me was her reply, before the movements became quiet and the light was completely out.