Meant to be half

~3. queer~

For the whole weekend we had been trying to figure out how we wanted to get married and let's say we were nowhere nearly close, to having it all figured out. Or anything at all. Mateo and I were throwing ideas, desires, wishes, no-goes and a whole lot of things at one another. A lot of a controversies met each other and it was pretty hard to stay honest after a while.

"Alright, but imagine I would not wear white or a dress at all." My gaze fell onto my handsome driver of a fiancé, his blonde hair perfectly styled in a new way. "Like um... a bright orange jumper with a green tie."

Mateo glanced over to me and a smile painted over his face. "A pumpkin?" My fiancé giggled at my obvious joke. "You can wear whatever you want to, in which ever color you want to, but tell me the theme and color so I can match you." He laughed and so did I, before he added, "Though, I wanna marry in white and be buried in it too."

Now that statement was not an ironic comment or a joke. It was different to our previous ideas or wishes.

"But no one would see you when you've been cremated?" I chuckled and sipped on my steaming coffee, the warm liquid filling my mouth with delicious taste.

"And no one will probably know, but myself. Plus, I think white just makes it all more... joyful?"

I scoffed. "A funeral but in happy?"

"Yes. I want a happy funeral. And you will not shed a tear, because by then I'll be taking care of you form above. Oh, I will ensure you don't make anything stupid. I allow you to wear that pumpkin wedding outfit you wore on our wedding."

"Okay, it might be hormones making me sad, but don't say that Mat." I sniffed. "I don't want to think about that..."

This conversation was not going where I had expected nor wanted it to go or end.

With a loving gesture he stroke along my thigh. "Fine. I will plan it on my own then." He snickered and so did I.

"Oh!" I suddenly squealed, earning the man next to me to jump slightly. "I am supposed to ask, if you would accompany my class to the class trip. They are all eager to meet you." My eyes glimpsed over to him.

The car came to a stop and the man next to me flashed an adorable smile, making me recall a faint and blurry memory. An oddly deep memory. I did not like that. A shallow voice creeped into my head and a certain, yet weird smell. "Babe, I've got that business trip, remember? I'm sorry.." With furrowed brows he gazed at me.

"Don't be. Thanks for the drive." I pecked his lips and loosened my seatbelt, exiting the car with a soft smile on my lips.

"Anytime."

The hallways soon surrounded me with great warmth. Summer was going to kill me, when on its peak. I should suggest some air conditioners for every corridor and room. My coffee was still a must have, no matter how hot it was. It could be the most pressuring heat in a desert and I would be walking through it with a coffee in hand.

Jesus... but this was unnecessarily hot.

The sweat forming on my body, was a process I did not necessarily require to feel in this much detail. The sweat drops forming and sliding down my skin. It was disgusting.

At the thought my body shivered, the tingles running up and down my legs. Every hair on my body rose. I rounded the corner to the teachers lounge, meeting a few tired faces glancing up to me for a split second. Their heads sunk back into their books or stared down into their mugs of coffee. Well a single half-hearted glance might as well be enough as a greeting, right?

Now I should not complain, because those were not my friends, but seriously?

Everything was as it should be. I placed my lunchbox in the fridge, thinking about how juicy the grapes and pineapple will be when I eat them later.