Lady and the Punk

9: The Family is Expecting

NOVEMBER 1954

Back with Sam.

It was a new, bright sunny day. Zach, Liam and Rusty were getting out of their houses to greet Sam.

ZACH: S'mira! S'mira!

RUSTY: Oh Sam Madam girl!

LIAM: Miss Sam! H'llo!

Zach noticed Sam. But it took him a second to notice the dejected look on her face.

ZACH: Good mornin' S'mira! It's a dandy bright day... today...

RUSTY: Why, Sam Madam, is something wrong?

LIAM: Yeah, tell us Miss Sam. If somebody's been hurtin' ya–

SAM: Oh, no Liam. It's something I've done, I guess.

RUSTY: You?

SAM: It must be. Jim Dear and Darling are acting so...

Sam could hear Darling humming as she walked by.

RUSTY: Jim Dear and Darling?

ZACH: Not now Rusty. S'mira, get on with the details.

SAM: Well, I first noticed it the other day when Jim Dear came home.

(flashback)

Sam was looking through the window and when she saw Jim Dear, she ran to him, but that day, Jim Dear didn't interest in playing with her as he used to.

JIM DEAR: Down Sam. Down.

Jim Dear walked inside. He didn't even let Sam inside.

JIM DEAR: Darling? Darling? Are you alright?

DARLING: Of course I am, why shouldn't I be?

JIM DEAR: I just can't help worrying. After all, in your condition, alone here all day, walking that dog.

Sam was shocked.

(end flashback)

Sam's friends were surprised.

ZACH, RUSTY & LIAM (in unison): "That dog"?

SAM: He's never called me that before.

LIAM: Well now S'mira, I wouldn't worry my lil' head about it. Remember, they're only humans after all.

RUSTY: That's right Sam Madam. As my grandpappy Ol' Reliable used to say... I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Ol' Reliable before.

ZACH: Yeah, you have, buddy. Frequently.

RUSTY: Oh, yeah.

SAM: But now Darling is... well we've always enjoyed our afternoon romp together. But yesterday...

(flashback)

Sam wanted to walk as always with Darling, but that day she was so busy doing something, Sam didn't understand. Darling was just humming and sewing.

DARLING: No Sam. No walk today.

Sam took a ball of wool to play with Darling.

DARLING: No Sam. Not now.

A wool ball fell down and Sam tried to play with it, but then Darling got angry.

DARLING: Drop that Sam.

Then Darling smacked Sam, causing her to drop the ball.

DARLING: Drop it I say!

(end flashback)

SAM: It didn't hurt, really, but Darling has never stricken me like that before.

ZACH: Now S'mira. Don't take it too seriously. After all, in a time like this–

RUSTY; Why yes, you see, Sam Madam, there comes a time in the life of all humans when, uh... well as they put it, "the birds and the bees". Or, well, "the stork"? Y'know? Uh, no? Well, uh...

ZACH: What he's tryin' to say S'mira, is that... Darling is expecting a widdle bairn.

SAM: "Bairn"?

RUSTY: He means a "baby", Sam Madam.

SAM: Oh!... What's a "baby"?

Luna happened to be walking by Sam's house. She heard the Cavalier ask what a baby was, and she had some strong opinions. But she waited for the right moment to butt in.

ZACH: Well they, they resemble humans.

RUSTY: But I say a mite smaller.

ZACH: Yeah, and they walk on all fours.

RUSTY: And if I remember correctly, they "beller" a lot.

LIAM: Yeah, and they're very expensive. You'll not be permitted to play with them.

RUSTY: But they're mighty sweet.

LIAM: And very, very soft.

ZACH: Babies are such a cute little bundle...

LUNA: ...little bundle of trouble!

Zach turned to see where the voice was coming from, then Rusty, then Liam, then Sam. Luna walked into Sam's yard.

LUNA: Yeah, they scratch, pinch, pull ears, but dude, any dog can take that. It's what they do to your happy home.

Luna shoved Zach over.

LUNA: Move it over, will ya bro?

Then Luna faced Sam.

LUNA: Home wreckers! That's what they are.

ZACH: Look here yo. Who are you to barge into–

LUNA: The voice of experience, butters. Just wait till Junior gets here. You get the urge for a nice comfortable scratch and... "Put that dog out! It'll get fleas all over the baby!"

Rusty was thinking about scratching, but Luna made him lose interest.

LUNA: You start barking at some strange mutt. Woof woof woof woof woof!

Luna barked at Liam.

LUNA: "Stop that racket! You'll wake the baby!"

LUNA: And then? Then they hit you in the room-and-board department. Remember those nice, juicy cuts of beef? Forget it. Leftover baby food. And that nice warm bed by the fire? A leaky doghouse.

SAM: No... 

ZACH: Do not listen to her, S'mira. No human is that cruel!

RUSTY: Of course not Sam Madam. Everybody knows a dog's best friend is their human.

LUNA: Oh come on now dudes. You haven't fallen for that old lie, have ya?

ZACH: Should you get rid of this street criminal or should I?

LIAM: I'm gonna do this. (to Luna) We've no need for mongrels and their radical ideas. Off with ya now! Off with ya!

LUNA: Okay dude.

LIAM: The name's Liam.

LUNA: Okay Liam.

LIAM: Colleen O'Shaughnessey to you!

Luna left Sam's yard, but looked back for just one remark.

LUNA: Okay. Okay, okay. But remember this dudette; a human heart has only a limited amount of room for love and affection. When the baby moves in, the dog moves out.

Sam was shocked.