Change of Fate

Chapter 11

It's the weekdays again, and another week of being busy at work. It's Wednesday, the middle of the week. It's always the most stressful day within a week, maybe because it's in the middle.

I still continued my chat with Galen, and he eventually asked for my number, which I gave to him. Napaka-corny na nilalang na minsan nakakatawa pero minsan ang sarap manapak.

@gvsantiago: sana ako nalang ang sabado at ikaw ang linggo, dahil ikaw ang kinabukasan ko <3

@crimsonsamara: alam mo ikaw yung non-working holiday na natapat sa weekend, dahil walang sense

@gvsantiago: AHAHAHAHAAHAHAH ouch naman, crush :(

@gvsantiago: eto pa

@gvsantiago: alam mo, pasensya na kung ganito ah. pero para sa akin pangit ka

@crimsonsamara: putangina mo!

@gvsantiago: but pangit is silent

@gvsantiago: grabe naman sa mura, akala ko pa naman mahal mo na ako

Naisip ko na nga minsan na bumawi ako sa mga banat na binibigay niya sa akin pero pinipigilan ko sarili ko kasi naiisip ko na parang masyadong mabilis.

It's funny how I always witness my exes having someone else days after our break ups. Iniiyakan ko pa 'yon kasi nakakababa sa sarili. I always felt insecure, thinking that I never loved them properly up to the point that it's always so easy for them to find someone else after me. Not that I would be delighted if they remained single after me but it always gives me the impression that they treat their new partners beyond the bare minimum. The bare minimum that I always begged before.

Pero ngayon, halos mag dalawang linggo palang simula ng maghiwalay kami ni Daniel, sumulpot si Galen. The Gabrielle Valentin.

His motives never go unnoticed to me. Alam kong gusto niya ako, at pinapahalata niya 'yon. Gusto ko na ngang pumatol sa kanya, but I don't want to give him false hopes. Mukha rin namang hindi niya ako minamadali dahil hindi naman siya umaamin.

I am still scared to enter another relationship. Parang 'di ko na nga gustong matali sa iba. That's how scared I was. Ang hirap naman kapag kasal na nga ako, tapos na-realize ng asawa ko na hindi pala ako. That he only settled with me. I don't want that. I know my worth now, and I don't deserve a half-baked love.

I would never beg for a bare minimum again from boys. Because a man will give so much more without me begging for it. Men will think that I am Crimson Samara, and I deserve every good thing in the universe.

I would like to think that my fate is that I will grow old and thrive alone because that's how I was destined to live this life. Na tatandang dalaga nalang ako at hindi na magkakaroon ng asawa. Na mag-aalaga nalang ng mga inaanak at pamangkin. That seems fine with me.

But then, there's Galen. He never fails to make me feel at ease. In just a few days of talking to him, his energy felt peaceful. I always say that he screams danger to me. Pero naisip ko na perspective ko lang 'yon. He's friendly, he's approachable, and he's charming. Kaya minsan napapaisip ako kung bakit nahahalintulad ko si Galen na parang nakakatakot na nilalang.

He screams danger because there's a chance that he will enter my life and leave after realizing I am hard to love and there's someone else for him.

Nag search na nga ako sa internet, pati na rin sa mga social media kung may girlfriend siya or someone linked to him. Madaming na-lilink sa kanya pero walang girlfriend. I breathe a sigh of relief nang malamang wala ring asawa. Hindi ko pa naman gusto maging kabit.