Much Like Falling

Chapter Thirteen

It was Sunday morning and I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday. For the whole ride back to Mia’s, she didn’t speak. Call me an insensitive jerk, but I was tempted to play my music really loud. I wasn’t that stupid, though. I knew she was uncomfortable in cars. Heck, I would have walked her home if she asked me to. But she was, in fact, giving me the silent treatment, ever since that kiss.

I loved the kiss, and I did not want to stop. I could kiss those soft lips forever, and it felt like she could too. That was until she pushed me off her. I felt so much passion in the kiss, surely it wasn’t one way? Did she feel it too? I doubted it.

Bradley somehow managed to get everyone out of bed by nine, including me. I was tired as fuck but Adrienne was making an effort to cook everyone breakfast. It was the first time we had all sat at a table and ate together since the night of the funeral, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it. It felt weird without my abusive Father. I don’t miss how he’d attack me, but I did miss the company. He knew how to make Mum laugh, and sometimes, he was good at giving advice. Only sometimes, though.

I sat next to Rod and ran the same blue toy car up his arm and across his shoulders, before tracing his neck with my fingertips. He giggled, slapping my arms away with his small hands. Siobhan was watching, and I actually saw a smile escape her lips. For the most part, it seemed as if everyone was in a good mood; well, as good as we were going to get with the circumstances.

Brad helped his wife serve our food. She had prepared pancakes smothered in maple syrup and ice-cream for us. It was my family’s ‘special treat’ which we all loved, and only had on occasion.

We ate in silence, but this time it wasn’t awkward. My family usually ate in silence, there wasn’t anything us kids could say that would ever lighten the mood. Usually we’d make someone storm out.

After we ate and I cleared the table, Siobhan was the first to break the silence. “Remember when I told you that my art teacher really liked my work?” she was fidgeting constantly, an instant giveaway to her nerves.

Mum and Hayden nodded, but I shook my head. I couldn’t remember, but I was probably the one who stormed out that time. I usually was.

Siobhan smiled at me, “It was after… Dad… had a go at you for missing the bus again.”

Oh, that’s right. Mum told me to do my chores, so I decided to do everyone’s and somehow managed to break the washing machine, which made Dad have a go at me, which pushed me to the edge and I was going to kill myself, but then I met Mia.

Rabbit…

Her nickname seemed to fit well. She was so cute and soft and-

“Anyways,” Siobhan continued nervously. “I was rated top of the class, and-”

“Wow, that’s great, Sho’!” Adrienne smiled at her.

It wasn’t often one of us kids got top of the class, or if we did, we never mentioned it. Or maybe that was just me. Siobhan always seemed to tell us what was going on at school though. I wondered if that was her way of trying to get positive attention from her parents.

Mum spoke for the first time all week, “That’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you, Baby Doll.”

Whoa. Mum saying that was a big step.

Siobhan’s smile grew wider. “Thanks, but that’s not the end of it!” she squealed. “I’ve been chosen to have my painting in an exhibition at the museum. It opens next Friday,”

“Can we come?” Bradley asked.

“Yes! I really want you all there!”

I smiled, “Then we’ll be there.”

“It’s a shame Dad won’t be there. He’d be so proud of you,” Bradley reached across the table to run his fingers through our sister’s light brown hair.

Rod innocently asked; “Where’s Dad?” and the table fell silent. He stopped asking a few days ago, but whenever someone would walk through the door, he’d expect it to be Dad.

Mum sighed, “Can I speak to Rod alone, please?”

She was actually going to tell him, wasn’t she?

She was going to finally tell Rod the truth, and we’d be set back a few days and new grief would settle upon us as Rod lashed out.

As we excused ourselves from the dining room, I braced myself for what was to come. I was proud of Mum for finally coming to terms with what was happening. She was finally being honest with herself and her son.

Adrienne, Bradley and Hayden went into the lounge room, but Siobhan and I stayed in the hallway. “Is she going to tell him the truth this time?” she asked me.

“I think so,” I said, pressing my ear to the door. I knew eavesdropping was bad, but I just needed to know what she was telling him. Siobhan gave me a sneaky smile before pressing her own ear to the cool wood.

Above the noise of the ocean, or the sound of the blood running through my veins, I focussed on Mum’s muffled voice.

“…just on a business trip. He’ll be back in no time.”

My anger returned as I realised Mum still wouldn’t tell her youngest son what happened to his Father. Rod was only five, yes, but he wasn’t dumb.

He got his genius trait from his brother, Emerson.

Only kidding, or was I?

I opened the door with force, causing Siobhan to stumble forward. “Take Rod out, Siobhan.”

Siobhan quickly did as she was told, closing the door softly behind them.

I clenched my fists, “You need to tell your five-year-old son that his Father is dead! Rod is expecting him to show up any minute. Mum please, you need to tell him!”

She shook her head, “I can’t.”

“Yes you can! You told us, didn’t you?” she was being stupid. She should have told Rod the same time she told the rest of her children. That’s what I would have done. It had been what, nearly a month since Dad passed? And Rod still didn’t know the truth. He’d hate her for that when he gets to Hayden’s age. “You’re such a bitch!”

Mum let her tears run freely but that didn’t stop me. “Stop being a selfish cow. Grow up, Mum. Sometimes I think your children are more mature that you are.”

I hadn’t noticed when Mum got up from her place at the table, but the next thing I knew, she was slapping me.

Once… twice… a third time…

I grabbed her wrists and held them in the air beside her. Tears were streaming down her face, and yet, I still didn’t care. Was I the one who was selfish?

All I wanted was for Rod to know the truth. Then maybe we could move on.

My cheek was burning, and I could almost see the bump that was forming.

Mum screamed at me, “You’re Dad was right, you are pathetic. I wish I really did get that abortion… we weren’t ready to have you. This is your fault, I hope you know that! If you weren’t such a fuck, all this wouldn’t have happened!”