Much Like Falling

Chapter Twenty-Four

A week later, Mia made me spend the day with Blake. I was at his house and we were sitting on bean bags, drinking Coke and just talking. We could always talk for hours; his parents wondered if we were meant to be girls.

Blake had been one month clean of smoking, drugs and alcohol. I was so proud of him, and was ready to beat him up if he ever touched the stuff again.

My phone started ringing, interrupting our laughter. It was an unknown number, and normally I would never answer my cell phone, but given the circumstances, I thought it would be best if I answered it. “Hold up,” I told Blake before I answered the phone.

“Emerson?”

It was Mia’s Mum.

“What’s wrong?” I demanded. I could hear her muffled sobs. Something was definitely wrong.

“Come to the hospital, quick,” she hung up.

I froze.

“What’s up?” Blake asked, standing.

“I-I-I-” I needed to go to the hospital. I couldn’t get the words out, but somehow Blake knew what I was trying to say.

“I’ll drive you,”

I ignored the fact that Blake didn’t even have his Learners, because I was also in no state to drive, so I didn’t care.

We reached the hospital and I rushed to Mia’s room, leaving Blake behind. As I reached her room, it was obvious something was wrong. Melody was hugging herself in the corner of the room, Mia’s Mum was curled in a ball, screaming, and a few doctors had surrounded Mia with equipment I was not familiar with.

Melody rushed to my side as I froze in the door way. “It’s not looking good,” she said bluntly and I nearly fell to my knees.

No…

This couldn’t be happening.

Not now, Mia. I wasn’t ready for you to go. Why the fuck did you have to send me away this one day?

Doctors were pulling me away from Mia but that didn’t stop me. “No, you can’t go… Baby… Rabbit… please, you have to stay,” tears were running down my cheeks. “Mia, please. Don’t do this, not now.” I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. “I love you…”

Suddenly, the room fell silent, though all could be heard was the deafening shriek of the machine crying out a single, long and terrifying beep.

No.

No, no, no.

Mia… don’t leave me.

I looked through my blurry eyes and saw that the doctors were just standing there. Why wouldn’t they help her? “Do something!” I yelled. “Please, just do something!”

“I’m sorry, Emerson. There’s nothing we can do,”

I punched the wall behind me before storming out, frustrated. I felt numb and empty. There was nothing inside of me. I ran down the corridor until I reached a wall and slid down it, collapsing in tears. I cried harder, as if that was even possible. People were staring, but I couldn’t fucking care less.

I felt someone’s arms around me, and realised it was Blake’s. Blake was hugging me but not with his normal brotherly hug; it was a proper comforting hug. He rested his head on mine and cradled me. I felt safe.

“She-she’s g-gone…” I stuttered. “I-I think I’m going to break the promise I made… Blake, I-I’m going-to-fail-her…”

“Shh,” Blake cooed, continuing to hug me. He knew what promise I was talking about. I had told him earlier I promised Mia I wouldn’t cut. Right now, I didn’t think I would ever be able to stop hurting myself. It was the only thing that seemed to help me. I was dying to feel the cool metal on my fingertips, the edge gripping my skin and tearing it apart. I needed to see the trenches as blood seeped over the edge of my fresh cut and ran down my arm, as if soldiers running into battle; into death. “It’s gonna be OK. You’ll be alright.”

But the thing was, it wasn’t OK, was it? I wasn’t alright.

I just wanted to be with Mia. I wanted to hold her, to kiss her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.