Much Like Falling

Chapter Twenty-Three

*Emerson’s P.O.V*

As the weeks went by, Mia was looking paler and more fragile. I spent more time at the hospital than at home and school. We all knew her time was coming to an end, and I was still finding it really hard to accept that. But with each day that passed by, Mia stunned me with her beautiful smile. How could she still be smiling? She had been trying to get me ready, tried to make me stronger, but even though we knew she was going to die soon, I could never make myself ready for it.

Mia’s Mum and I took turns in staying the night, with Melody dropping by on occasion. Tonight was mine, and I was currently watching my girlfriend sleep soundly. Despite all the machines around her, she looked so peaceful, as if nothing in the world could hurt her. Was that what death would bring her? No pain? Would she be filled with peace? Would she be nothing? Nothing at all… No, she must be something.

Her eyes flickered open but I didn’t look away. She was asleep when I arrived two hours ago, and I was okay with just watching over her.

She smiled at me weakly, embarrassed. “You should have woke me,”

“You need the rest,” I said seriously. I rested my elbows against my knees and clasped my hands in front of me, resting my chin on them.

“But I’m in here all day every day. I always sleep,” she protested. I was getting annoyed now. She needed to sleep; it was her body’s way of fighting against the bad cells in her body. Childishly, part of me hoped that if she slept so much then it’d somehow cure her, but that was stupid. I wanted her to sleep so she wouldn’t have to worry so much.

“That’s because you need it,” I stated.

“I don’t want to spend what little time I have left just sleeping. I want to spend as much time with you as possible before I go.”

I averted her apologetic gaze as I was threatened by my tear glands. Fuck off tears; you are not wanted right this second. Any day now my girlfriend would be leaving, I still couldn’t accept that!

“Come here,” she said softly.

I hesitantly did as I was told and knelt down beside her so my face was now levelled with hers. I rested my chin on the hard, thin mattress. She slept on this?

“I’ll always be here, in your heart and memory.” She ruffled my hair before resting her hand on the back of my head. “It’ll be okay,” she said.

I shook my head, taking her hand and softly kissing her fingers. “I can’t imagine living my life without you.”

“You’ve done it before,” she smiled, “You can do it again.”

I sighed, “Yeah, and look how happy I was back then… I nearly killed myself. Babe, when you go, I will too, okay?”

“Don’t even say that!” I knew that if she could, she would be yelling at me right now. “Promise me you won’t cut or try to kill yourself?”

I shook my head. “Babe, I can’t.”

“Emerson, please. It’s supposed to be like this.”

“How have you accepted all of this? I don’t understand.” I let go of her hand and rested my forehead on the mattress so she couldn’t see me.

She said confidently, “Well, there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and I know it’s a part of God’s plan.”

“Do you believe in Heaven?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. Do you?”

“I want to. I want to say the prayer that you said a couple weeks ago,” I smiled at her touching my hair.

“We can make that happen. Now, please promise you won’t cut or try to kill yourself.”

I sighed. “Fine, I promise,” I said, frustrated. I wasn’t sure if I could keep it, but I would definitely try my best, for her.

The next day, one of Mia’s closest friends from Church came to visit. They talked about Christianity for a bit and hell, I was mad confused, but some of it made sense. My family was never big on God, and I was sure Mum blamed Him for everything bad that had happened in her life, but Mia and her friend explained to me that the worst God could ever do was nothing. There was a purpose for me saving Mia other than to lose her again, and I was sure I knew that purpose. Mia saved my life. She taught me how to love, and she made me stronger. She made me into a better person. For Mia, I also taught her how to love. I showed her that not every guy was the same, and I allowed her to show all of her emotions rather than burying them. I gave her hope.

I silently, secretly thanked God for Mia, and then her friend guided me with the prayer. I was really nervous and a little bit embarrassed, but I knew I was making Mia proud. In ways, I was doing this more for her than for myself. She gripped my hand tightly as her friend prayed for me, and then all was done.

That was it.

And I felt great.