ana. ❁ lrh

1.2

Sam's POV-

it's been three days in this hell hole. and I've been here alone through it all.

they told me no visitors for the first week, to let me grasp settling in alone.

I wanted Luke though, really really badly.

today I start what the staff calls 'asylum trials' and I'm kinda nervous.

so far, I haven't lashed out or had any attacks. so they just keep me here and say it's only a matter of time.

asylum trials can mean different things, they told me.

they said one kind of trial is 'second base trial' and could be if I lash out and I'm out of control. this trial would be locking me in the legit hell of this place, and watching me through a tinted window.

the 'first base trial', is where they talk to me, study my behaviour and run tests.

today is my first day of first base trials, and they're probably just going to talk to me.

I still don't know what to expect though honestly. this place scares and confuses me.

I'm questioning how I'm supposed to get better here.

I mean, it's scaring me more than anything!!

"Samantha, it's time for you" a staff member calls, opening my dorm room door and waving for me to stand.

he grabs me arm sternly, leading me down the hall.

I don't know why he's holding me like I'm in attack mode, or better yet in a fucking prison.

well, this was like a prison when you look at it from my point of view.

he pushes me into an office looking room, shutting the door behind me and clicking a lock.

the room is quiet and empty, with a desk and a chair behind it in one corner, and two chairs and a coffee table in the other corner.

I slowly shuffle to a chair, sitting down awkwardly.

why were they so mean with me? what did I do to deserve this treatment.

it's not my fault I'm like this!

this past three days, they've been rude and not at all helpful.

I just want to go home

but I can't even have visitors to comfort me because I know I can't go home!

suddenly, the lock wiggled and the door slowly opened, a short blonde lady peers in.

she steps in the door way, closing the door behind her.

"hi Samantha, I'm doctor Brown" she smiles, sitting down on the chair across from mine.

"hi.." I say awkwardly and quiet.

"so, let's just get started" she smiles, taking out a note pad and a pen.

"how exactly?" I ask shakily, looking up at her for a minute, before looking down again.

"well, let's just talk. okay?" she reassures me, seeming like the only nice person in the fucking place.

"okay, sure" I shrug, crossing my legs and scooting back in the chair getting comfortable.

"well, how about we talk about your home life. I understand your mom is single. what happened to your father?" she asks, digging deep right away.

I hesitate for a second, remembering my father.

"it's all just a blur. like it was all some delusional dream" I say shakily, searching my mind for memories.

"what was he like?" she questions.

"he was, great. I felt like I could do anything and be anyone with him. he was so encouraging and exited for my future" I began, remembering my father as if he was sitting beside me.

"what happened then?" she asks again.

"he died. he was murdered in an attack.... at my elementary school when I was eleven." I breathed shakily, feeling like I wondered to far into memory.

"the man was a later proven schizophrenic, he had escaped a rehab with a stolen gun from who knows where. and I tried my hardest for the longest time not to hate him for killing my dad." I sob, tears pouring down my cheeks now.

"does being bipolar upset you because of that man?" she questions, when she knows she's right...

"yes. when I have attacks, I feel like him. I'm able to do anything, kill someone. and I can feel myself slip into them, but I can't stop it. I scream for help but I just feel trapped in my own skin!" I sob, raising my voice at her, not purposely though.

"it's okay Sam, calm down" she soothes, putting her hand on my knee.

I take a deep breath, wiping my eyes dry.

"I think we've made good progress today Samantha, we can head to testing now" Dr. Brown smiles, standing up and setting the notes on her desk.

"what testing?" I tense up, standing up and walking to the door.

"well, every time you come see me, we'll run some mental tests on you." she explains, sending shivers down my spine at the thought of all this.

she brings me to a room with a chair mixed with a dentist chair and a hospital bed.

all around the room is machines and tubes, and a few staff members in white coats with name tags.

"here, put this on. then we can start today's trials" Dr. Brown smiles, handing me a hospital like dress

I change in the small bathroom, and leave my clothes on the chair beside the bed.

I sit down slowly in the chair, looking around the room and staying tense.

one of the staff in white comes up to me with a bunch of things in her hands.

"I'm Lucy, I'll be with you a lot. we just need to do IV now okay?" she smiles, laying the chair back as it brings my body down with it.

she slips the mask on me, making me feel light headed now.

I feel the needles as they slide in my skin. she puts multiple needles in me, before everything in my body is numb.

"good luck" Lucy whispers into my ear, before everything goes black.

❁